Bloodline ✦ Nomin

03

⊱ ─── { Jeno } ─── ⊰

Jaemin exits his and Jeno's bedroom with his hair still damp and dripping from his shower. He has on an extremely baggy black t-shirt that looks as if it's about to consume him whole. Still, you could see the red of his boxers peeking out from below the hem of it. His big brown eyes glimmer as they meet Jeno's, and the faint smile he sends his way is enough to make anyone swoon.

Jeno was always aware of just how effortlessly beautiful Jaemin was, but something about him today...he couldn't help but stare in awe at the man he was so lucky to be with.

Then he painfully remembers the night before.

Jeno quickly turns his head back around to face the tv. He had hoped that he didn't turn too quickly or come across in a way that would upset Jaemin. Unfortunately, this is proven to be the case when the younger sits beside him on the sofa, faced towards him with a deep frown.

"Need something?" Jeno attempts to sound as polite and casual as possible.

"Can I get a hug? I really need one right now," Jaemin speaks in a near whimper like a small puppy begging for love.

"Why...what happened?" Jeno's voice drops to a murmur.

"I just really need one."

Jeno's eyes drop to his lap as he tries to make up some excuse to not have to touch Jaemin. Even if he just managed to say the right thing to convince him he was fine and didn't need one, Jeno was desperate.

"If something's wrong, you know you can tell me," he states as he continues to refuse to look at Jaemin. The shame he felt was far too strong for him to do so.

"I could say the exact same to you," Jaemin retorts bitingly. It was clear he was hurt, and his anger was getting to him.

"Why?"

"You've been acting strange since last night. You refuse to touch me unless I specifically tell you to do so, and even then you're reluctant to do it. And you won't even look me in the eye when you try to lie to my face and pretend everything is okay."

Jeno slowly turns his head to look at Jaemin. His eyes are glistening with tears that he's clearly fighting back, and his jaw is clenched tight. Jeno's eyes settle on his neck, seeing that the bruising on it has settled in. He gets an overwhelming urge to embrace Jaemin and softly kiss the bruising, but he doesn't trust himself. He could get a headache at any moment and potentially lose control. He could harm him again, and that terrifies Jeno to the core.

"I'm so sorry, Jaemin..."

"If you're going to apologize, you could at least specify what you're apologizing for," Jaemin hisses.

"I...I'm sorry for nearly strangling you," he finally says aloud, "I'm sorry I broke your trust. I'm sorry I hurt you."

Jaemin shakes his head and lowers his gaze.

"I get that you're trying to put up a wall to be more careful and make sure you don't do it again, but to push me away instead of talking things through? Do you not realize how much that hurts me? I mean, thought the whole point of our agreement was to fix things and make sure we could live as normally as possible. How are we supposed to do that if you refuse to even try when something comes up?"

"I know...I'm sorry..."

"What was even going through your head when that happened? Why did it make you resort to pushing me away again like that?"

Jeno swallows hard. He knows he should have expected Jaemin to question what exactly happened last night, but he had been hoping he would focus more on the fact it happened and that he was being so distant. He wracks his brain for some sort of lie or half-truth that would satisfy Jaemin without having to come clean and risk making the man panic.

"I...I got another headache," he mumbles, "And it was so intense that I felt overwhelmed by it. Instead of letting you go, my grip tightened. I...I should have let go sooner. I'm so sorry, Jaemin."

Though this is true, it's not the full story. It wasn't that he didn't let go, it's that he couldn't. Seconds after the headache came, Jeno felt as if he had taken a backseat to his own actions while his body had continued to function. It acted out on violence despite Jeno struggling to fight it. It took Jaemin saying their safe word multiple times and his headache subsiding for him to come to. He couldn't control himself, and the fact it could happen again terrifies Jeno deeply. He planned to distance himself until he could figure out what was wrong with him, but he should have anticipated just how easily his actions would upset Jaemin. He was selfish for that, but he had good intentions at heart. That counted for something, right?

Jaemin takes Jeno's right hand in both of his and holds it gently.

"Jeno...it was an accident. I know you wouldn't purposely hurt me like that. I trust you," he speaks softly.

"But I don't trust myself," Jeno argues, "What if I don't-"

"Saying 'what if' won't solve anything. It'll make you live in fear of being around me, and I'd rather try and find a way to make sure that doesn't happen than for you to distance yourself from me indefinitely," Jaemin cuts him off before he can continue making excuses, "We've spent so much of our relationship separated from one another. We finally have our chance to be together without being ripped apart or hunted down...I'm not gonna let one incident get in the way of that. If something is wrong, we will work through it. Together."

Jeno's mind returns to the conversation he had with Jisung in Hell. He recalls the man urging him to trust Jaemin and treat him as an equal. Though he wasn't shutting Jaemin out because he didn't trust him to help, it still didn't ease the intense guilt that settles in at the remembrance of the conversation.

Jaemin takes Jeno's face in his hands and makes certain that he looks him directly in the eye.

"Together," he stresses the word once more, and Jeno nods slowly.

"Together."

Jaemin let's out a small sigh of relief and allows a small, reassuring smile to form on his lips, though something about it feels laced with nervousness. Jeno knows it must be because he was weary of if he would actually listen to him and follow through on his word, but it was still saddening to see.

Jeno leans in and presses his lips gently into Jaemin's, hoping that doing so would placate his mind. Without breaking the kiss, he turns his entire body and shifts so that his legs are on the couch. He places one of his hands between Jaemin's shoulder blades and the other on his lower back. He guides Jaemin to lie down with him, and as soon as his head touches the arm rest, he breaks the kiss. Jeno brushes a piece of Jaemin's damp hair from his eyes and gazes at him lovingly.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'll do better," he promises, "I love you."

"I love you, too," Jaemin says as his expression softens.

Jaemin lowers himself to fully lie on top of Jeno but scoots down some so that he can rest his head on his chest. Jeno wraps his arms around Jaemin's torso before planting a kiss on the top of his head.

Despite his fears, Jeno couldn't wait to spend the entire day with him like this. Hopefully they could come up with a solution to the issue at hand, but that was a problem to address later. For now, he wanted nothing more than to cuddle Jaemin and be this close for however long they possibly could.