Bloodline ✦ Nomin

60

"How's he doing?" Jeno asks as he enters his room and approaches Renjun who is sitting in his gaming chair beside the bed Jaemin sleeps in.

"Still resting. What did Yeeun say?" he mindlessly responds as he brushes his thumb back and forth against the back Jaemin's hand.

"Xiao drank the potion. He's already back in Hell with Hendery trying to figure out what Yuta did before we stopped him," he sighs deeply as he sits down at Jaemin's feet, "Hopefully he'll wake up any minute now."

"Yeah..."

There's a long silence that carries out between the two of them, but it's hardly discomforting in the slightest. Both of them just wanted Jaemin to be alright.

"So...about the...you know...mental hell Yuta conjured up to trap me...what exactly did you see?" Jeno is the first to speak.

Renjun lifts his head to gaze into his eyes. That saddened look he had before returns to them.

"I saw things aimed to target your insecurities. Jaemin was a demon, and he blamed you for making him that way. A radio was broadcasting how you were seen as dangerous and should be killed. I saw you in a mirror looking like a monster. You were talking to me as if you were talking to yourself. You were telling me how your devil side is stronger and how you were always meant to be one. I saw a monster that was cut up beyond repair, and it was slashing me to death. I heard a voice saying I deserve it. And then there was this bedroom and I heard..." he trails off as his eyes lower.

"Heard what?"

"Me and Jaemin..." he answers in barely a whisper. He didn't need to say anything. Somehow he knew exactly what it was Renjun was alluding to. He tries to move on from the detail, and Jeno doesn't wish to press for explicit answers. "I...I found you submerged in water. You were chained to the bottom. I managed to free you, but I'm not sure how."

Jeno sits quietly for a moment as he ponders how to properly word how he was feeling.

"Thank you, Renjun," he says earnestly, "I...I appreciate what you did. I really do...I just...I can't help but feel you should've left me."

"Why?" Renjun's confusion is overwhelmingly sad to hear. He doesn't know, and it would be hard to explain. Still, he deserves to be let in on what happened. He should know since he's going to have to pick up the pieces of Jaemin's shattered heart once they leave this place.

"After you died, Jaemin and I left for the city. Things were great, but...I started getting headaches. They kept getting progressively worse, and I never told him. Not until it was too late. I started reverting back to my old ways. I realized killing people would make the voice stop and prevent me from harming Jaemin. I ended up upsetting Jaemin so badly that I worried he would leave me. I put him under a love spell. Then I...I allowed one of my victims to kiss me. Xiao told him what happened, and forced me to search for Yeeun to fix things. The love spell kept getting stronger, and Yeeun told me if I didn't lift it, then he would potentially end up becoming so devastatingly dependant on me that he would become unstable. His life was at risk and the voice in my head told me I couldn't lift the spell or he'd leave me. I listened. It took Jisung coming and giving me an ultimatum before I finally lifted it. He was devastated. He told me...he...he said I should have let him die when Yuta killed him the first time," Jeno chokes up as he says the last few words aloud, "I found out the voice in my head was Yuta manipulating me...but it doesn't change what I did. It's over between us. There's no fixing the damage I've done. I just want him to be happy, and I know he can only be happy leaving me behind and being with you. I just...I don't want to live like this. It's what I deserve, but...I would have rather been a shell of a body with no consciousness than to go on alone without friends or the love of my life. It's a fate worse than death when you've spent so long in near complete solitude. My life has come full circle, but...it's much different now. Knowing I had someone to live for that wasn't a pawn in my father's game...it's...devastating. And it's my fault...I wanted to plead for Jaemin's forgiveness, but...seeing how he looks at you...I know in my heart it's useless. It'll only bring all three of us more pain and suffering."

Jeno suddenly feels Renjun's hand on his knee. He glances at it before meeting Renjun's gaze, finding him frowning deeply.

"It's not my place to decide what Jaemin wants. Yours either," he begins, "He may care about me, but he's your soulmate. I don't want to get into the middle of that. I also don't want Jaemin to run to me if his heart still belongs with you. I may have feelings for Jaemin, but I don't want someone who doesn't truly want me."

"I can fix that," Jeno interjects, "I can sever my ties to him and rebond the both of you."

"That would be making a choice for Jaemin, not with him," he dismisses this idea, "I think it's best if the both of you make this decision together. My selfishness may hope this is where I finally get the guy I've loved for most of my life, but...the reality is that he was never mine. This doesn't involve me. It's between you and Jaemin. I just hope whatever you decide is what's best for the both of you, not just one."

He cautiously gets up from the chair and stands in front of Jeno, looking down at him. He tucks some hair behind Jeno's ear and attempts a weak smile. It makes his heart feel odd, but he couldn't quite put a finger on why that was.

"Talk to him," he says softly before quietly leaving the room and shutting the door behind him.

Jeno turns to face Jaemin, finding that his eyes are now open and glossed over with tears.

"Jaemin?" he withholds the urge to take him into his arms and hold him tight.

"Jeno..."

"H-how much did you hear?" he stammers nervously.

"All of it," the man answers honestly as a tear rolls down his cheek.

"Please...don't cry," Jeno pleads with a heavy heart, "I just want what's best for you."

"You don't get to make that choice," Jaemin's voice cracks.

"No...I don't...but I know how much you love Renjun. If I hadn't come into the picture, you would've lived a long happy life with him. I can give you that...I know it's what you want," he says solemnly.

"All I ever wanted was for you to trust me. For you to confide in me. For you to treat me as your equal. For you to not make decisions for me or take away my ability to be a person. My own person," he explains.

"And I failed you. I put your life in jeopardy for my own selfish wants and needs. I never treated you fairly," Jeno confesses his faults, "Nothing I do will ever be enough to earn your love and trust back."

"But don't you want to try?" Jaemin asks helplessly.

"Of course I do. I tried meeting you in my dreams and begging for a chance to try one last time, but...you weren't there. And I think we both know I'm not the right man for you. Our relationship is over, and I need to accept that. You're better off with him," Jeno tries his best to reason with Jaemin.

The man weakly sits up in bed and tries scooting closer to Jeno. He takes his face into his hands and looks deeply into his eyes.

"I love you. Nothing is going to change that. Not even breaking our soulmate ties," he insists, though Jeno is skeptical, "I want to believe you mean what you say. I just need time to see that you can prove those aren't empty promises like before."

"I don't deserve the chance to prove myself. You've already forgiven me one too many times, yet I always prove how unreliable I am. I fear I can't change, and I think you should leave while you still can."

"That's not your choice to make," Jaemin denies as he leans in close and kisses him softly. It's a sweet moment, but the lead that fills his chest makes it hard to be happy. "Consider this one last chance. Show me I can trust you again. Please...don't make me regret it."

"I won't, baby. I promise," he feels his eyes begin to burn with tears. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve him. Still, he knew Jaemin wanted nothing more than for Jeno to fight for him, for the love they shared. And not a demon in Hell or an angel in Heaven could stop him from trying. Jaemin was worth it. He always had been.

-end of book 4-