Bloodline ✦ Nomin

46

⊱ ─── { Jaemin } ─── ⊰

Jaemin sits with his legs crossed on his bed, a pale blue cardigan neatly spread out in front of him. He glides his fingers over the soft fabric as he thinks about the day he bought it. Jeno was away at work, and the moment Jaemin saw it, he knew he had to get it for him. Jeno mentioned blue being his favorite color, and although he hadn't thought about it much before, he realized how beautiful he looked in blue when Jeno finally tried it on. He had a hard time not associating him with that color from that day on.

Jaemin slowly unbuttons the front, recalling the last time he did that and the way Jeno kissed him so sweetly. The taste of his lips still lingers on in his memory. How traces of wine they had while winding down from a long day of work and classes was bitter on their tongues.

"You're my forever boy," Jeno uttered through heavy breaths as he hovered above Jaemin. He caressed his face with eyes that looked like they were making a photocopy of Jaemin's face to keep stored in a safe place for a rainy day.

"Forever boy?" Jaemin asked confusedly, though he still smiled at the pleasant sound of it.

"Yeah...forever boy. I want you and only you...forever and ever."

Jaemin is far too numb to cry at the memory, nor is he able to feel much emotion when he recalls how they spent that night together on the couch. It feels almost humiliating knowing he gave himself like that to someone who liked to tell him pretty little lies to keep him wrapped around his finger.

It makes him wonder if Jeno ever loved him to begin with.

Still, Jaemin instinctively finds him putting on the cardigan. Jeno's scent fills his nose, and Jaemin feels a pang in his chest. He curls his knees into his chest and wraps his arms around them. He rests the side of his head against his knees, tilting his head so that he can bury his nose in the sleeve of the cardigan.

An item that once brought him comfort is now the very thing that causes Jaemin to break down again. Tears fall from his eyes as he tries to keep the smell of Jeno imprinted in his memory for however long he possibly can, because time goes on and the scent will fade. By then, the only thing he'll have left are the memories of times when he truly believed Jeno was in love with him.

Surely it couldn't all have been a lie, right? If he didn't love him, he wouldn't have brought him back to life twice, nearly risking his own life the second time despite knowing damn well it was more likely that he wouldn't make it out alive trying to tamper with reversing time. They were soulmates after all, right? That's what Jeno told him. Even if he didn't believe Jeno, this fact was confirmed by everyone from Yuta to Jisung to Mark to Xiao. Everyone recognized this as truth. And he couldn't deny that, through all the pain and suffering he was currently experiencing, he still somehow desired to be with Jeno. It only makes sense that Jeno also must feel something genuine towards Jaemin. If they're soulmates, then it was all but certain that it wasn't a one-way street...Even if Jaemin's love for Jeno far outweighed Jeno's love for him. There had to be something there.

So why did he do all of the things he did? Why did he throw it all away despite always claiming he wanted nothing more than to be with Jaemin? It didn't make sense...then again, somehow it did. It wasn't as if Jeno hasn't fucked up badly in the past, but typically he had outside influences like his father to blame. Jaemin was aware that Jeno would treat him like he needed to be protected, and that was something only Jeno could take fault for, but at least Jaemin could understand why he reacted in that way. He could imagine that if Renjun came back from the dead, he would probably be as unbearably protective over his safety as Jeno had been just so he knew he would remain alive and safe. But the lying? The cheating? The sudden selfishness? The willingness to endanger Jaemin's life in the name of maintaining control over him? It all felt so out of character. The Jeno he came to know wouldn't do this...would he? Maybe he would and Jaemin was just to naïve to notice the red flags.