The Light That Blinds {Grishaverse Big Bang 2020}

Chapter 10

"Ugh...."

Alina opened her eyes and blinked groggily. She wiped the sleep from her eyes and groaned, putting a hand to her head.

Where am I?

The sun summoner looked around, bewildered. She was on a ship - she could feel the ground beneath her rocking from side to side. A cabin, Alina thought. It's cosy.

Alina didn't try to stand - it would make her too dizzy. Instead, she closed her eyes and focused on her senses, trying to detect any power. She couldn't find any energy flowing through her like before, but it was there, stirring deep in her veins. If she tried to channel it now, it wouldn't work. So Alina didn't, and instead looked at the table beside her. She took medicine, washing it down with the glass of water left out for her, and then looked around for the piece of cloth she used to tie her hair. It felt weird now, having her hair loose - she'd gotten used to having it up.

Alina found the scarf and tied her hair up in a bun before covering it. With a relieved sigh, the sun summoner settled back into the covers. She stared out the ship window and watched the waters make small waves.

"Alina?"

Alina looked up. Leoni was there, wringing her hands.

"Oh, thank Saints you're awake!"

Alina laughed softly as Leoni hugged her, and she hugged back.

Leoni brushed her hair back, and Alina held the woman's hands, leaning her forehead against Leoni's.

"I'm glad you're here," Alina murmured. In the silence, her voice sounded too loud, like a crash of thunder on a silent night. Leoni laughed softly, and Alina was once again reminded of the wind chimes she'd had as a child.

"I'm glad you're awake."

Alina kissed Leoni's forehead, then pulled away. Leoni smiled softly.

"I'll let you rest, Alina."

Then, Leoni was gone, and Alina looked around the room again. She saw a box of trinkets sitting on the table on the other side of the room. Alina slowly got to her feet, steadying herself against her bedside table. She took a step forward, then another, and another, and soon got to the table. She gripped it tightly, staring at the small box that lay before her.

When she was a child, Alina would collect trinkets from wherever she went. Ever the curious child, she would pick up a flower, or a pinecone, or a shell that had a fascinating pattern on it. Alina remembered the box she put all her trinkets in. It had been dark brown, and made of wood. She'd loved it. One time, she had found a jewel, and had brought it back to show Mal. Mal was afraid that the people would catch them playing with such a precious thing and take it away, but the moment never came. Alina and Mal had sat late at night, in their own blanket tent, analysing the jewel and telling each other stories they had made up about it before falling asleep.

What simple times they were, the sun summoner thought with a sigh. This box was different. It was deep purple, with gold emblazoned on the lid, and a blue jewel in the middle. It reminded her of the sea, and Mal's eyes.

Alina gently took the box into her hands. When she'd joined the Dregs, she'd found this box in the room that became her bedroom. From then on, she'd collected trinkets from everywhere she'd been in Kerch, and had kept them all here. It had been her little secret, something she kept close to her heart. But now, like everything else about her, it was open for everyone else to see.

Alina sat down on the bed and opened the box. She ran her fingers over the coin she'd caught during a Komedie Brute show, and the piece of shimmering cloth she'd found on the ground. They didn't mean much to others, but to Alina, it was a reminder of her adventures - what she'd been through - and she cherished every bit of it.

"Mew."

Alina looked down and saw Oncat. "Oncat!" she cheered, picking up the orange tabby. "Oh, I've missed you."

Oncat tried to claw at the box, but Alina set her down on the ground.

"No, Oncat. This is my collection! I love collecting things. Brings memories."

"Does it now?"

Alina looked up and saw Jesper. Her smile fell. "Jes," she started, desperation in her voice, but Jesper held a hand up.

"It's fine. I know why you did it."

Alina's voice was small. "You do?"

"Yeah. I get it...but you might want to talk to Inej."

"Oh, Saints." Alina put her head in her hands.

Inej. She'd worshipped Alina as a saint, believed she was dead, and now? Now, Alina didn't know what Inej thought of her. The very idea of facing Inej felt like Alina was standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to topple over at any moment.

The sun summoner took her head out of her hands and let out a sigh. Alina leaned forward, her forearms resting on her thighs.

"I feel so guilty," Alina said.

"Guilt is hard to grapple with," Jesper responded. "It's better to feel guilty than to feel nothing at all. It shows there's good inside you."

"You really think so?" Alina asked, looking up at Jesper.

"Give it some time. You'll talk to her soon enough."

"Okay."

Jesper got up, and looked back at her. He smiled, and said one thing before he strode away.

"Welcome back, Alina."

There. There it was. Her name, her true name, on her friend's lips. It made her heart soar.

Alina stared up at the ceiling, then let her eyes close. She replayed her name over in her mind, hearing Jesper's voice speak it over and over.

Alina, Alina, Alina.