The Light That Blinds {Grishaverse Big Bang 2020}

Chapter 13

Maybe I was a bit too optimistic back on the ship.

Alina tried to calm her breathing as she approached the Little Palace. Inej and Leoni were by her side, with Adrik and Jesper behind.

Leoni squeezed Alina's hand. Alina squeezed back, then turned her head and gave Leoni a grateful smile.

"I'm glad you're here," she murmured to her commander. "Thanks for being here."

"Always," Leoni said, her eyes fierce. Alina looked at her face one more time, then turned and stepped into the foyer.

It was eerily quiet. Alina felt like the entirety of the Little Palace knew what she'd done. Alina fidgeted with the cuffs on her sleeves as she stepped into the throne room.

Immediately, her heart sank.

When she had been walking up to the Little Palace, Alina had been hoping there weren't going to be any people waiting for her other than Zoya, in order to save her from embarrassment. However, now seeing that no one was there - no David, no Genya, no Tamar, no Nadia - for some reason, it made Alina feel worse. It was like they were hiding from her, situated in the shadows, watching her downfall from afar.

Alina took a deep breath and unlaced her fingers from Leoni's. Zoya sat on the throne, watching the sun summoner fidget with her shirt.

"Your Majesty," Alina murmured. She didn't dare look up at Zoya. The Queen stepped down gracefully.

"Alina."

Alina took a deep breath, then another, and another...and then, suddenly, she couldn't breathe.

Alina began to hyperventilate. Her palms had become sweaty as she stared down at the ground. She could feel tears building up in her eyes.

"I...I..."

Her voice became louder, resonating around the throne room.

"I'M SORRY!"

Alina sobbed. These sobs were not quiet; they were wails, her sorrow coming out in full force. Her entire body shook.

"I FAILED YOU! I FAILED RAVKA!"

Alina fell to her knees. She put her head in her hands and screamed. It rang out, bouncing off the walls of the throne room. The echoes were awful to Alina's ears, but she didn't care.

"I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!"

Alina sobbed more, thoughts running through her head.

Why did you take this on? You couldn't do this. The authorities know who you are. Kaz knows who you are. Why did you do this? Why, why, why?

Alina gasped for breath. She felt like she couldn't speak. Words couldn't explain her current predicament right now.

So instead of speaking, she just continued to cry.

A few moments later, Alina heard footsteps. Someone was walking towards her.

Before she could take another heaving breath, someone pulled her to her feet, and suddenly, Alina was being hugged. Her hair was being stroked.

"Cry."

Zoya.

Zoya never hugged. Was...was she so disappointed in Alina that she thought it necessary to comfort her?

"I am not angry at you. You did your best. Cry."

And so, Alina sobbed and sobbed until she was exhausted, until she swayed on her feet. Then, Zoya looked at Adrik.

"Get Mal."

"No!" Alina gasped out. "No, don't get him. It's okay. I can handle this."

Zoya pulled away, but kept her hands firmly planted on Alina's shoulders.

"Are you sure?"

Alina took a deep breath, then nodded. "Yes."

"Okay." Zoya looked at the door, and suddenly, Tamar came forward and took Alina's hands in hers. Alina realised that Tamar had been on standby, ready to do Zoya's bidding. She just hadn't seen her when she'd broken down.

"Let's get you into a bath."

Alina nodded. She let herself be led down the corridor, and to the bathroom. There, Alina was undressed and helped into the bath. It had no scent, but it was filled with rose petals, and had candles on the windowsill.

Alina leant forward. She closed her eyes as Tamar washed her body, then washed her hair. The scent of lavender and jasmine filled the room as Alina's hair was treated to luxury shampoo and conditioner.

When she stepped out, Alina wrapped herself in a dressing gown whilst Tamar turned her back. Then, Tamar turned back around and stepped behind her. She combed out Alina's hair. It was silent, but for now, Alina liked it that way.

Once Tamar was done, she stepped out of the bathroom, and Alina changed into a fresh set of clothes. She changed trousers for a light blue skirt, and her usual blue top she'd bought in Kerch for a white blouse. It felt light, and with a slight laugh, Alina spun around, relishing in the wonderful feeling of how the skirt felt against her legs. It was just what she needed.

With a sigh, Alina opened the windows and extinguished the candles before stepping out of the bathroom. Then, she went to her room. On seeing a steaming hot meal on her table, Alina beamed and sat the tray on her lap before tucking in.

She could hear the birds tweeting and laughter coming from the Palace gardens. Alina looked out and saw a small party going on. With a smile, Alina got up, took her tray and plate to the kitchens and washed both before placing the tray and plate back in the drawers, and then joined her friends.

"Alina!" Leoni rejoiced. Alina hugged Leoni tightly, and Leoni hugged back.

"Do you feel better?"

Alina smiled. "A little." Someone handed her a fresh glass of lemonade. "Thanks David."

"Anytime, Alina."

Alina smiled as she watched David, Genya and Nadia talk before turning back to Leoni. As she began to talk, Alina smiled wider.

For everything she had been though, she was glad she had so many people by her side.