Shameless

Forget the past

"Mama, I don't want the yellow one!" Venessa whined. "Honey, please don't do this now" my mother pleaded with teary eyes. "But mama Delilah gets everything!" She yelled.

"Remember what I told you dear, Delilah only gets what we pick for her" she huffed and crossed her arms, calculating the situation.

After a good 2 minutes of brainstorming, she walked off slamming her door. My mother sighed and hung her face in her hands, probably wishing she never had kids.

My love for my mother is nonexistent and it has been for 7 years now.

As I traced the dog on the blank sheet of paper a soft knock broke the silence in my room. After a few seconds it slowly opened revealing my father with a bottle of beer in his hand.

"H- hey honey" he slurred. "I just wanted to talk to you" he placed himself on the edge of my bed while I played with my hands nervously. He always does this and I know it's just an excuse to hurt me.

After moments of silence he got up and stumbled towards my chair, leaning in to whisper in my ear.

His chapped lips grazed my ear as a shiver strikes my spine. My hands began to shake as memories of what happened last time flooded my mind. "No n- n- need to be frightened my dear"  he said harshly.

His rough hand grazed my cheek and my breath caught in my throat as he grabbed my neck, squeezing my skin hard. "D- daddy I can't breath.." my vision started to cloud as black dots covered my eyes.

He finally let go when my mother walked passed my room, stopping to check what was wrong. I was a coughing mess as I tried to catch my breath. Unwanted tears stained my Rosie cheeks while my dad tried to keep his role as the innocent  father that everyone loved dearly.

My face was a light shade of red that reflected off of my mirror in the bathroom. My whimpers were soft like a small baby's cry while tears continued to drown my eyes.

"I wish you were here grandma..."

I shot up from my bed while sweat ran down my face alone with a couple of tears. My heart was pounding rapidly against my chest as my legs began to feel weak.

I glanced at my phone reading the time 2:25am.  my head felt heavy as I tried to take control of my body and the emotions that came along with it.

My body felt weak,useless anything besides calm.

That memory lives in my head more than any of my thoughts and dreams combined. I'm a tough girl but when it comes to my family's past I am the same weak little girl I was when I was 7.

I was never worth anything. The only person who has ever even thought about me when doing something was my grandmother. She was there when my parents weren't.

She was there when I fell off the swings while everyone laughed. She was there when I had my 5th birthday party and no one came. She was there when I got into my first fight. She was there to train me when no one would. She was a fighter. Until my father took away my only happiness because he felt as though she was making me weak, when really she was just the one keeping me sane.

I sighed deeply, running a hand down my face and deciding to step outside for a while. My warm feet hit the cold cement floor as I stepped out of my room. The cold air skimmed my skin while my hands rested on the railing of my terrace.

The moon was shining bright in the dark sky while the stars stayed hidden in the clouds. My grandmother always told me that when the moon was shining it was smiling down at me.

A tap on my shoulder brought me out of my thoughts and I spun around only to be met by Landon with a sad look on his face. "You okay? I heard crying and thought I'd come check on you" he said.

"I'm fine" I turned back around leaning on the railing once again. "No you're not Delilah" he stood next to me with his elbows placed on the rail. I sighed and looked off into the distance not wanting to carry this conversation any further.

"I know you Lilah, and when you say you're fine you never mean it most of the time" "well I mean it this time Landon. I'm okay now go back to bed."

"Okay mom" He said sarcastically, rolling his eyes like a child. He took a deep breath and put his arm over my shoulders. I immediately leaned into his touch since he has been my comfort person ever since my grandmother died.

"Tell me what's wrong" I rested my head on his shoulder and looked into the night sky once again. "I've been having dreams about my father again"

I felt him tense a bit after saying that. And I know exactly why. He sighed deeply and rested his head on mine. "I'm sorry" he mumbled.

"You're father deserves to rot in hell and that will happen as soon as we get his location. I promise" I nod understanding while he wraps his arms around my waist bringing me into a tight hug.

"You are the strongest girl I know and if your father was to do anything to you, you would kill him before he even got the chance To hurt you" a reassuring smile played on his lips while a small smile was on mine.

"You think so?" I asked sarcastically. "I know so" he replied smiling down at me.