After Superimposed

Chapter 7

It took me a few tries to get the hotel door open with my shaky hands but I did get in eventually. I dropped my bag on the floor and fumbled around trying to get the test out of the box for a few minutes and I ended up throwing it across the room and collapsing on the floor in a hyperventilating mess of tears.

What am I going to do if this is positive which the signs are saying it will be. How will I cope? I'm not ready to be a mum, Taron will leave me - he has to. He can't cope with having a kid now. Everyone was right, I wasn't right for him - I've ruined his career. He will hate me when he finds out.

Thoughts went around and around in my head as I sat there on the floor. My face was hot from the tears and my lungs were aching from gasping for air. After a while, I calmed down enough to try opening the box which I did with ease the second time around.

I took a few deep breaths and then headed into the bathroom. I would be lying if I said I wasn't silently wishing that it was going to be negative.

The three minutes between taking the test and waiting for the results were the longest three minutes of my life. I was pacing around the room the whole time; shaking my arms out to dissipate some of the adrenaline that was firing around my body. I hadn't stopped sweating since I left the room to get the damn thing.

My phone buzzing to tell me the three minutes were up made me jump out of my skin and the sound of the alarm immediately ignited butterflies in my stomach. I didn't even realise I was holding my breath until I let out the breath when I saw the result. Positive.

I immediately dropped the test on the floor and recoiled back out of the bathroom. My stomach was doing flips and I felt like I was going to throw up again. Except I hadn't eaten anything today to throw up. I kept walking backward and tripped over my shoes which I'd taken off when I got back. I fell to the floor for the second time that day and began crying again.

I must have been there for at least 20 minutes before my phone started ringing, making me freeze on the spot. I had a good idea of who that is and I didn't know what to tell him so I didn't answer. I let it ring out which didn't work because my phone just started immediately ringing again. I crawled over to the bed where my phone was and looked at the caller ID - Taron.

"Hey" I tried to force a cheery tone but it just seemed to make my voice sound shakier.
"Hey babe, how are you feeling now?" Taron cooed down the phone and for the first time since I met him, his voice made me feel sick.

"Uh- better" I managed to squeak out
"Sorry, did I wake you? You sound like you've just woken up" He said and a part of me was relieved because it meant he didn't think I'd been crying all morning.
"Yeah, I'm gonna sleep a bit longer," I said, my voice sounding a bit stronger now
"Okay, baby. Don't wait up for me, I won't be back till late okay?"
"Okay," I said, "I love you" I add, wanting to hear him saying it back to me for probably the last time.
"I love you too, more than anything babe. Always remember that okay. I wish I was there so we could cuddle and watch films until we both fell asleep"
"See you tomorrow" Is all I managed to say because I was already crying again. I hung up the phone and continued to sit on the floor weeping.

I don't even remember much else of that day. I just remember looking up and it being dark outside and deciding to get into bed and watch a film or something. Anything to get my mind off it or at least try to.