living's just a waste of death

chicago/repetitive

*heart eyes*

mikey passed the drivers test with flying goddamn colors. aced it. just like pete said. "are you having fun? in chicago?" mikey said into the phone. pete had been calling everyday just like he said he would. mikey missed him fucking terribly from the second he left. but he didn't really start going crazy until about day five. "totally. kinda wish i could...like, come home, though."

pete said "like" too much in all his sentences, something mikey had noticed from the cellphone conversations. and mikey just paused for a long time between certain words and swallowed hard whenever he didn't know what to say next. but he could hear noise in the background. it sounded like a little kid- pete's step brother, probably. "i thought chicago was home."

"it used to be. not anymore, i mean, jersey's more like home now." mikey wasn't sure what to say so he nodded even though pete couldn't see him. he was sat at his desk with a neglected cigarette in his hand. but he could picture pete sitting at the edge of the bed, looking down or kicking his feet. "but, um, dad's always hinting that he wants me to move back here with him."

mikey knew what to say then, "i wouldn't know what to do with myself if you moved." and then kinda wished he said something else because it wasn't hard for pete to read between the lines of every word he spoke. mikey knew pete could easily understand that it really meant, i can't even take five days! what the hell would i do if you moved?

"me neither. i think i'd probably drive back to see you so much that my car would break down and i'd have to walk." mikey could practically hear his smile through the staticky cellphone audio. "nah, you wouldn't." mikey said. sometimes over the phone, it was like they were in the same room. "i so would. i'd walk a million miles to see you. and then i'd probably die of exhaustion or get ran over by a truck and you'd have to drag my ghost across the country."

"you're such a fucking sap, you know that?" pete could probably hear mikey's smile, too. "doesn't matter. point is, i'd die for you." he said in that melodramatic pete way that made you wonder if he was actually joking or not. "you went from moving, to walking, to dying. and all i asked was if you were having fun."

"i am. i just miss you." mikey could almost picture pete twisting the telephone cord around his finger but he knew there wasn't one. "i miss you, too." and then there was some noise on the other line, pete was talking to someone else and said something mikey couldn't hear and then, "ah- fuck, my dad's making me get off the phone but i'll call you later?"

"yeah. yeah, later." he cringed at how gloomy that sounded coming out of his mouth. he hoped pete didn't notice. "cool, sorry. later, just wait a while. goodbye, mikes" pete was talking fast like his dad was pressuring him to end the call, we've got a super important, very snobby dinner to attend or something that's more important then your new jersey friends. more then a friend? doesn't matter, it's more important then him, too.

"bye, petey." then there was a beep and mikey wanted to frown rather then smile.

it was a weird change. pete and mikey were peteandmikey. they didn't do "apart". and they sure as hell didn't do eight-hundred miles of towns and cities and empty space between them. they saw each other everyday and talked too much. which, they still had been for the last five days. hours on the phone until one of their parents screamed at them.

but it wasn't as much as usual. not enough. and mikey was kinda sick of it. and there were still nine days left. it felt like a punishment, really. and it made mikey feel so fucking dysfunctionally dependent.

they were never away from one another. how could they be? so fixated and stuck on nothing but each other. so obsessed, so intertwined. and okay, yeah, it probably wasn't a good thing. it definitely wasn't. the codependent shit. made mikey feel high when they were together and uneasy when they weren't. like the serious separation anxiety from gerard when he was a little kid or the panic from wandering away from his dad at the store.

and mikey's thoughts got a whole lot scarier when pete wasn't there to preoccupy them. mikey kinda figured that pete shouldn't be going out with him- just because mikey was at the bottom of the high school food chain. but pete still did. and he was sticking around and they got close too quickly and mikey was attached and pete loved him. even if the lines weren't all that blurred anymore.

everything started when they kissed in gabe's backyard- but that was only two months ago. or was it already two months ago? was two months a long time to be going out?

were they even going out, though? mikey had always called pete his boyfriend in his head but never out loud. not even to gerard. and was "going out" the equivalent of being someone's boyfriend or did the two terms mean different things? like, different levels of the dating spectrum. were they dating? if they weren't then they should have been.

they'd never gone on a date. unless you'd count sneaking out together and drinking after school and making out in the back of the library. which, mikey didn't count really. but date planning seemed more like something pete should handle so mikey never thought about it.

anyway, mikey's dysfunctional dependency came with a lot of free time. the only thing to really do was have frank come around. which didn't go as gracefully as mikey had hoped but frank never was. too chaotic. ("so, you and wentz are hardcore making out now?" frank said more then asked. "what? no-"  "oh come on, he practically drools when he looks at you. and you guys seemed pretty snuggly at my party? plus, the hickey is a dead giveaway." "wait really?" mikey awkwardly pushed the collar of his shirt up. "no. but you totally just proved my theory." "fuck you!")

pete didn't call on day six. and mikey was more upset about it then he should've been. "i'll call every single fucking day you'll get sick of me." or something like that. mikey called twice on his own and it rung out both times. he didn't wanna try for a third. he was pretty on the fence between worried and ticked off.

the next morning, day seven, he was scrolling through the contacts on his phone to call up frank to come hang out again. but his phone rang on it's own before he got to the f's. it was pete. the phone said so. he saw petefuckinwentz in all lowercase and hit the answer button before a half a second could pass. "hey, mikes."

"are you okay?" alright, so probably more worried then ticked off. "yeah, i-i'm real sorry about yesterday, just...yeah. but i'm coming home! early!" and any part of mikey that was ticked off was erased right then. of course it was. "really? how early?"

"today. i'm calling from the airport. my flight's in like, thirty minutes. i'm glad- i've been missing you like crazy." there it was, that smile again. "figured you'd be bored of me by now," mikey said, he was already grinning himself, completely forgetting about the day before- but it didn't matter because pete was coming home. "never, you're- you're a fucking piece of art."

"what the hell does that mean?" pete said poetic shit all the time. mikey always understood it, he just liked teasing. and he was good at hiding how flustered he got because of it. and kind of in general. like when pete would run his hands through mikey's hair and call him stupid pet names that weren't actually stupid like baby boy. "dunno," pete answered.

"you're a hot mess, pete." mikey said, with probably the most affectionate tone he'd ever heard come out of his own mouth. "maybe. you're stuck with me, though." maybe pete's tone matched mikey's pretty well. "more like stuck on you." mikey said, not even meaning to. probably another side effect of the dysfunctionally dependent sickness he had going on.

"now what the hell does that mean?" pete's smile grew bigger even though mikey couldn't see. he could picture people looking at pete thinking, what's this guy so happy about? doesn't he know about global warming? stop talking to your boyfriend and get on the plane!

"i'll see you in couple hours. we're having a shitty sleepover as soon as i get back, okay?" mikey could hear pete's flight being called through the phone, and he had the biggest smile on his face when he hung up.