Something Old, Something New

9

TW//depression, self harm, attempted suicide. It starts at the beginning of the chapter. I'll put a signal when it's over, but you can also just skip the chapter if you need to.

"I'm sorry Gwen," Merlin muttered. It was approximately the year 1430, and Merlin was sitting on the ground. He held a dagger that he had fashioned himself in his hands. 

I know I promised, but I can't do it. I've just been so alone. Maybe, even if I never see Arthur again, I'll see all of you. You, and Lance, and Percival, and Gwaine, and Elyan, Leon. I miss all of you so much." Merlin pressed the knife to his throat. He had considered his wrists, but thought this might be quicker. Just one quick slash and it would be over. Across his throat. If it was deep enough, he'd bleed out in seconds. He took a deep breath. The skin of his throat pressed against the blade. He felt a slight sting and knew he had drawn blood.

"I hope you can forgive me." Merlin looked up at the sky. It was a beautiful day to die, and for the first time since Gwenivere had died, he smiled. He draw the knife across his throat. The pain was immediate, and intense. He saw spurts of blood as it left his body. It stained the sand red. He wanted to scream, but he had cut through his vocal cords. He waited for the darkness. Any moment now, it would take him, and he would finally be free. 

But the darkness didn't come. The pain stopped gradually, and when he opened his mouth, a strangled cry emerged. He frantically brought his hand up to his neck. It came away red, but there was no slash there. The skin was no longer broken. Apparently his magic had healed him. He was doomed to be here alone forever. He looked up at the sky. He had thought it beautiful, but now it was nothing but mocking. There would be other days as outwardly beautiful as this one, and Merlin would see them all, and he would see them all alone. He screamed.

"Why won't you let me die?" He didn't know who he was screaming at. Kilgarrah perhaps, with his vague prophecies of Arthur's return. Even Kilgarrah was gone now. He had outlived a literal dragon. He still had Aithusa, but she would be fine without him.

Merlin curled into a ball on the rough ground, and wept. He fell asleep like that.

Merlin woke with a start, the memories still clouding his vision. There had been other days like that one, and each time, his magic had brought him back, until finally he just stopped seeing the point in actually trying to die. Of course, the sensation became almost like a home to him. He would try to end his life, his magic would bring him back from the brink. He found solace in the pain. It was like that for almost a hundred years, until Aithusa had found him about to throw himself into a river with weights on his ankles. She had knocked some sense back into him, and from that moment forward, he and Aithusa were in it together, and they always would be. He had gotten low again a few hundred years later, but never that low, because he always had her.

-----------------OK IT'S OVER-----------------

That was part of the reason that he had been so quick to action to find her. No harm would befall Aithusa whilst he still lived. Merlin tried to gather information on his surroundings, but everything was too dark. He tried to create light with his magic, but nothing happened. He sighed, and that sigh sent a rocket of pain through his skull. He hissed, and touched a hand to his head. It came away slightly wet.

He couldn't use magic, so he was probably in a cage like the one Aithusa has been kept in. He felt around him and, sure enough, he could feel the bars. It was a fairly small cage. It wasn't tall enough to stand up in, and it was maybe six feet by six feet. He wondered if he should risk calling out for Iris. He wasn't sure he wanted Emma to know he was awake yet. If she was even in here. He couldn't hear anything.

"Aithusa?" he called in his mind.

"Merlin! Are you okay?" Her response was immediate, and Merlin could hear the worry in her voice.

"I'm all right. Did you get out?"

"No. I'm in a different cage, and that witch shrunk me again. I'm so sorry Merlin. This is all my fault. If I had been more careful in the first place-"

"No. None of this is your fault, and it won't help anyone to think that it is. Did you see what happened to Iris?"

"She was taken in the same direction as you. Is she not there?"

"I can't tell. It's too dark."

"Please, allow me." Merlin whirled around in time to see a lantern flare to life. Emma's face looked positively horrifying in the just the lantern light. She looked like a zombie.

"Where's Iris?"

"She's around. I can't have you two plotting while I'm out." She was wearing a dark cloak, and a sword, the sword, hung at her waist. She must have taken it back from him when he had gotten knocked out. 

"You can't do this," Merlin said, although the words sounded pitiful. Of course she could. She laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Oh, I can't? And who's going to stop me? You? No offense, but from what I've seen, you're a bit past your prime. Living amongst the mortals has softened you quite a bit."

"You'll throw the world into chaos!" Merlin protested, grabbing the bars of his cage, as if he could rattle them and shake some sense into Emma at the same time.

"You're just like my brother. Luckily, as soon as I've performed the spell, I won't need you anymore either." Those words sent a shock of dread through Merlin.

"Where's Johnson?" Emma pretended to contemplate.

"Let's just say, I've sent Jacob along ahead of you. He's been meddling in things a bit too often for my comfort, and it was getting annoying." Merlin took a step back from the bars. 

"You're own brother?" For a brief moment, something like pain flashed behind Emma's eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it had come, leaving Merlin to wonder if he'd imagined it, hoping to find some humanity in this girl. Emma turned away from him.

"Soon this will all be over. You've wanted to die before," she said. "I guess we'll both get what we want." Merlin sat down heavily as she left through a tunnel, her lantern light slowly fading as she got further away, plunging Merlin once more into darkness. 

Emma could obviously get into minds. She'd hijacked Merlin's connection with Aithusa. But to think she had breached his mental walls. He had build those up over centuries. But that was the only way she could have known about those aspects of his past. He supposed it had been while he was knocked out. And that meant that she was a very powerful druid. In fact, she might even be more powerful than Morgause, or Nimueh, or even Morgana had been, and Merlin had no idea how to stop her.

Well alrighty then. Yikes. Thanks to that person who voted on all of my chapters. Love you. And thanks to everyone for over a hundred reads. We're getting close to the end of part one. Should I keep all over the chapters for part 1 and 2 in this book, or should I make part 2 a second book? LMK.

xoxo

-Sierra <3