Something Old, Something New

26

Arthur felt...odd. The world was entirely different, but not necessarily bad. Technology had come far, and surely that meant things were better. But if he was honest with himself, the wrongness he felt didn't have anything to do with the world around him. It felt like something inside him was missing; like a piece of him hadn't come back to the living world. 

It was probably just a side effect of being brought back. It would fade with time. And he didn't want to worry Merlin with it; not when Merlin was so clearly happy. 

When they had first met, even when they'd hated each other, Merlin had always been a generally good-spirited person. And when they became friends, he always smiled so easily, whether it was a genuine grin at something someone had said, or that teasing smirk that always followed Merlin's insults towards Arthur. But as time passed, Arthur had begun to notice that he smiled less and less. He hadn't known why at the time. 

Now he knew that the toll of hiding his magic from Arthur as they grew closer must have been terrible to bear. And the weight of everything he must have lost to keep such an important part of him a secret. Not to mention that things had been getting darker for all of them as the time of Arthur's own death drew nearer.

Even when Merlin did smile during those last weeks, there was always pain and darkness behind it, and Arthur hadn't asked about it. He hadn't dared to, no matter how much he'd wanted to. He'd wanted so badly to know what was hurting Merlin so much. Because he cared about him. Of course he did. Merlin was his best friend. Arthur cared about Merlin more than anything or anyone in the entire world.

What about Gwenivere? a voice that sounded suspiciously like his own said in his head. 

It didn't matter. He'd never had to choose between them. And now he never would. Because Gwen was gone, and though he was sad, and he truly had loved her, he still had Merlin, alive and by his side, the way he always had been.

So no. Arthur would not tell Merlin about how he was feeling; like there was something wrong inside of him; like he wasn't entirely himself; because Merlin was happy, and Arthur would not be the one to ruin that with something that probably wasn't even a problem.

The moment of this decision, in the dressing room of the first shop Merlin had dragged him to, of course, was the exact moment that everything in his line of sight disappeared and he tumbled down into infinite blackness.

------------------

"Not bad," Merlin said, head cocked to one side, observing Arthur in the mirror. 

"This is truly what people wear in this time?" Arthur asked skeptically, running fingers over the fabric of the plain jeans he was wearing.

"It's fairly normal yes." They had been going from shop to shop practically all day. Merlin thought that something was bothering Arthur at first, but he hadn't asked. Arthur was probably just adjusting. And sure enough, Arthur had become more and more comfortable the longer they were out, though for some reason he insisted on dressing himself.

"Honestly Merlin, you're the one who made it a point to remind me you are no longer my servant." 

Merlin had backed off. Arthur was right. The man had to learn to dress himself eventually.

"It's not terribly comfortable," Arthur complained.

"You get used to it, and we've already got sweatpants. You need something a bit nicer. Just in case I ever have to be seen in public with you." Merlin smiled as he saw Arthur roll his eyes in the mirror. The smile quickly turned to a concerned frown when Arthur turned and stumbled. Merlin rushed forward to steady him, but he'd already recovered.