Residues

Chapter 19

Things are quite heated up and good. Extremely good, actually. I could not hold back my moans... and he was breathing into my ear. And I knew he was about to come. He was straining... And he panted out – "I love you" as he finishes.

As he rose up above me, I saw the horror on his face.

"You did not say that to 'me'... Did you?" I asked, plainly.

He sat back... Looking very ashamed.

"I am really sorry. It's a habit..." he said, looking down. "Shit! I am sorry, Ishi"

I nodded.

"I am really really sorry." He said. I nodded again. "Hey... that does not mean that I don't, you know... love you..." I looked up. "I kinda do..."

"You do?" I ask.

"Yeah," he said as if that should be obvious.

"But you did not say that to 'me' just now..."

"It's just a habit"

So he whispered 'I love you' to Suhani's ear every time he climaxed. A habit.

"Ishi..." he called. Came closer... "I am sorry. I won't from now on."

I shrugged. "Shall I scream out 'Yash' in the middle of sex next time?" I asked. He scowled. "That would be weird. Wait," he said, "do you...think of him while we..."

"No. God... no. I mean... I love him. I will always love him. But no. You are the only one in my mind when we..." But I was not sure I was the only one in his mind when we do it. Why else will the 'I love you' come out?

But I tried to think of it just as a habit; and that habits are hard to get rid of. Like I cannot survive without a cup of coffee in the morning. Just a habit.

"What do you like?" Rihan asked me one morning.

"Means?" I asked.

"I realised; I don't know much about you." My smile flattened. It translated to that he knows everything about Suhani. "What do you want to know?" I asked, looking back. I was wearing his t-shirt only.

"I don't know. Everything." He said.

I smiled.

He got up and came and hugged me from behind and settled his head on my shoulder. "Ishu..." he called. And my body froze up. Nobody called me that other than Yash. But I did not express that. "Yeah." I ruffled his hair.

Suhani has once told me a long time back that Rihan like back hugs, and sitting behind her with his head on her shoulder, and spooning when sleeping....

He is still the same...

Habits.

"I want to do something for you." He said. "Something special. You don't let me take you to a fancy restaurant. You said you don't like fancy things. Then what do you like?" he looked up.

"I don't know..." I said.

"Isn't there anything that you wish a guy would do for you?" He asked me. I thought of it...

"Glow in the dark stars." I finally said.

"Hm?" he left me and came in front of me to look at my face.

"You know the kind of glow-in-the-dark stars that you put on the ceiling. That glow at night." Rihan nodded. I don't know why I said this. It was one thing that I had always felt envious of. Because Yash did it for his first girlfriend. I remember his girlfriend bragging about that, sitting in the college cafeteria with us. It somehow felt wrong to have said this to Rihan. I felt maybe I should make it clear to him that I want that because of Yash. But before I could talk, the calling bell rang.

"Who could it be so early?" I asked.

"Shall I open?" Rihan asked.

"No. I will open it. Where are my shorts?" I fetched out my shorts and pulled them up and ran to the door. Rihan was in his jeans, so it was okay though he was shirtless. I opened the door to Suhani.

I froze.

Suhani's eyes darted between Rihan and me and settled on the t-shirt I was wearing. "Suhani..." I called.

Rihan came and stood by me. "What are you doing here?" He asked.

Suhani still just looked between us. I felt so bad. I felt guilty. I don't know if it is right to feel guilty.

"Did you came to see me?" I asked. Why would she?

"Yes." She mumbled. "It seems like I came at the wrong time." She turned around and walked.

"Suhani..." I ran behind her and caught her hand. She snapped her hand away turned to me... And...

SLAP...

My left cheek stung.

"Have you gone mental?" I heard Rihan shriek, and he was beside me in a second, clutching my shoulders, protecting me. I looked up. Suhani was crying... She covered her mouth with her hands to not sob louder.

"Now you know how it feels," Rihan said, hissing.

And everything drained out of me...

Now you know how it feels – that's what he said?

Suhani just ran off crying. I pulled away from Rihan's hands. He looked at me. "Are you okay?"

"No..." I said. I walked back to my house. Rihan followed. I took off the t-shirt and threw it at him. Now that I notice, that T-shirt is one that Suhani gifted him. "Wear it and leave," I said. "I need some time alone." I walked to my wardrobe to find another t-shirt.

"Ishi..." he called.

"Just... Leave. I will call you later." I said, putting on a t-shirt.

"Promise you will."

"Yeah, okay..."

But he came closer. And hugged me from behind again and buried his head in the nape of my neck. "Promise me you won't leave me." He said, a request, a humble begging... "Please..."

I stayed silent.

"Ishi... I love you."

I touched his hand. "I love you too..." No regrets.

"You won't leave me, right?" He asked.

Translation: You won't betray me like Suhani did, right? You won't leave me like she did, right? You won't hurt me like she did, right?

I realised my everything will be compared to Suhani's... Always.

"I won't," I promised. "But I need to speak with her first. She was my best friend. She needs an explanation. I owe it to her."

"I can come with you."

"No. That will complicate things. You don't owe her any explanation. You guys are broken up. It's finished. Right?" I added in doubt.

"Of course, it is finished."

"Okay. Then I will go alone. I will call you after that."

Chapter 19.5

It was finished.

It should be finished...

But there was a deep satisfaction inside.

I remembered Su's hurt eyes.

And something evil was celebrating inside me...