Thought Abyss - Lost In My Head

home and me

I've always made homes out of people I know

some were mansions and some thatched huts

Maybe I was just looking for some comfort

some familiarity some love

but when that didn't work

I made a home out of myself

when I entered I saw that the door to my house

comes with no locks attached

Its front doors lay open,

like the wounds on my knees from when I fell in second grade

wounds that were picked on so many times that they stopped healing.

The glass on the windows of my house

lay shattered on the floor like my self-esteem

broken by words hurled at me like balls in a baseball match

words that I have absorbed into the core of my existence like a sponge.

Its walls reek of betrayal and heartbreak

as I cover them in posters of my favorite bands

In the darkest corner of my room

Light candles and sit upright as I write about the darkest parts of myself

My bed hasn't had a dry pillow in weeks now

tears spill from my eyes like the coffee from my shaky hands every morning and

now I've stopped wiping after either.

The plants on my balcony have not been watered in weeks,

they are slowly rotting and dying like my hope.

There is so much happening I don't know how to cope.

My closet is filled with skeletons of memories that only bring me pain

maybe mamma was right when she said being a hoarder is vain

I look in the mirror and it's this girl I see who I don't recognize

her eyes are sunken deep, I tap her shoulders

our eyes meet, my voice echoes

she does not respond

stands there like an abandoned house

the ghosts of her past twirling around her.

i lend her a shoulder and she does not hesitate

walks up to me and lays her head on it

Its been a while since someone has offered her a part of themself

its been a while since she has been loved