Thought Abyss - Lost In My Head

Shadows

As a little kid, I was always afraid of the dark...

of the monsters under my bed and

 of their shadows that would follow my trips to the bathroom

or my lack of them.

I've gone from wetting my sheets to wetting my pillows

and the monsters have left the underside of my bed and 

crept up into the creases of my brain.

I was told shadows only exist where light does,

why is it then that these shadows still haunt me when I am engulfed in the darkness of my own mind?

Recovery is a dangerous road, you see

because how are you supposed to wish for your wellbeing when you know,

that the moment you find shade, your own shadows will leave you?

I was told that in my worst moments,

all I had to do was hold up my hand and look at these lines of light forming,

today these lines feel like shadows of ropes trying to strangle me.

My body feels clouded,

my jaw clenches and unclenches,

my heart is a drummer playing a speed metal I do not want to hear.

I fear.

I fear that I am turning into the very shadows I despise 

and despite the fear 

there is no surprise

There is comfort in knowing that the things that held you back

are no longer stopping your track,

That shadows no longer follow me behind,

They hold my hand and our fingers fit just fine.