Thought Abyss - Lost In My Head

death and stars

5 year old me had a dream you see,

5 year old me wanted to be an astronaut

I dreamed of flying amongst the stars

I wished on every falling star requesting to take me along,

when they decided to go back to the sky.

I would lie on my back for hours.

Stargazing and often finding myself lost.

Now, I can't look at stars the same way I did before

they don't bring me happiness and comfort

I still lie on my back for hours.

Stargazing and often finding myself lost.

Pointing to them and searching for the people I have lost amongst them.

There, that one shines the brightest it must be my ever-happy aunt.

That one looks so huge and full of life, it must be grandpa, I stutter as a lone tear rolls down my cheek.

Stars that were tiny holes perforating the sky with a blanket of radiance,

give no beacons of hope today.

They stare back at me, deep into my soul, and mock my misery.

"Look at us, in so much pain and still shining", they scream

as if your strength lay in your ability to conceal the pain.

Maybe I'm using stars as mirrors of my consciousness.

Maybe I'm blinded by them.