Thought Abyss - Lost In My Head

Dear ex-best friend

Dear ex-best friend,You were right, I am petty.I still bring up your name in every conversation about friendship,And about heartbreak.I immortalize you in my poems.Not as a hero. Not as a villain.Just an ex-best friend.I turn scabs to scars and pain to poetry.I glue back tears to my face hoping they'd be enough to make you come back.My sky has a gaping you-shaped hole now where the moon used to be,Guzzling the stars and the light out of the serene.My life too seems dark and incomplete,Its beauty seems to have slowly waned.Your memories stay in my brain like fragments of a mosaic,Never fully turning into a painting.Every time I try to think of you, my mind starts to fog itself,Maybe it realizes that nostalgia is the slowest poison of them all.You told me you loved the rain, but you always carried an umbrella.Is that what you meant when you told me you loved me too?Isn't it unfair that we laughed together, but I am here crying alone?My tears have cut streams onto my face, paths treading back into the pits of my eyes,Maybe we could finally go kayaking there?I feel caged in my own head, but don't cages have bars to hold on to?Maybe I too, am drowning instead.In my free time, I sink ships with my bare hands,They crumble to dust and fall to my feet and in those moments,I feel powerful amidst the destruction.Is that how you felt when you carved your legacies into your skin?We were like chainmail together, linked to each other indefinitely,But then you rusted away, you chose to disappear.And in the time between seconds, I still think of you,And I fold myself in between my knees, bury myself in an unmarked grave in my own mind.Hoping that maybe when i wake up, i will find myself lying next to you.Untitled Part 120