(Alright, so WHY is there no Vector x Once-ler content??? It's inexcusable. So, to make up for this personal sleight against me, I've decided to write my own. enjoy, besties ;) )
In the Once-ler's tent house in the Truffula Forest, he sat up alone at night and stared out his window at the lovely, clear starry sky. He felt so alone here, what with the annoying Lorax trying to jack his style and the animals always stealing shit from him and eating his food. Nature was bullying Oncey, and he'd never felt so alone in this world. A single tear fell from his eye as he thought to himself, maybe I'll always be alone.
It was then that he saw an orange figure fly across the sky.
Just another of those stupid birds.. he thought. Then the figure zoomed in his window and said, "you just got vEctored!!," causing our dear Oncey to scream in terror.
"whO tHe fÜÜk are you?!?!?!" The Once-ler asked his mysterious visitor.
"Oh, me? I'm Véctør, oh yeah!!" He performed his iconic dance move that typically accompanied those words, successfully turning on the Once-ler.
"Um, wh-what are you doing in my house, Véctør?"
"Oh! I'm here to fuck you."
"Wh-What?!"
"Just kiddiiiiing! But we totally could if you wanted."
"Oh." The Once-ler blushed, flustered by such blunt words. "I-I mean I guess that'd be okay.."
So Véctør swept Oncey into his arms and flew him to the moon. "Damn, your flight suit is fucking hot!" said the Once-ler, "I'll have to make a flight suit too. My thneed would make an excellent flight suit!"
"Not to get political or anything, but what the fuck is a thneed."
"Everybody needs a thneed!" replied Oncey, "it's a fine thing that all people need!"
".....that doesn't answer the question. You might be hot, beanpole, but you're terrible at answering questions."
The Once-ler poured for the rest of the way to the moon. When they arrived, landing light as a feather on the moon's grey surface, Véctør danced around to music that Oncey could not hear.
"Why are you dancing?"
"It's cuz I'm hyyyyyped, man!"
"Hyped!"
"Oh yeah!"
The Once-ler waited for Véctør to finish his hype dance. Once he did so, Véctør turned to the Once-ler with a sultry look. "So, wanna smash!~"
The Once-ler stammered a bunch of nonsense words before saying, "y-yeah."
Véctør wrapped his villainous arms around the Once-ler, and he said, "let's do it on the moon."
I fear what I have created.
YOU ARE READING
Cursed Oneshots
FanfictionI didn't want these in my other oneshot book since they're not (all) x reader Viewer discretion is advised. Rated Y for whY tf would you read this WE ARE NUMBER ONE (in the hashtag # kachow and # philswift !)
