ToastyBaconBits I told you I'd write it, didn't I? This is arguably the worse piece in this book, and also the one I worked the hardest on. It's my favorite, and I'm strangely proud of it... But beware cursing and sexual content..
Shigaraki paced in circles in his room, his mind stuck on the same question: What can I do to fucking wreck All Might?
He wracked his brain for any further course of action that would end All Might physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. But what was good enough? What would be the ultimate act of revenge?
After careful consideration, and extensive research into All Might's past, Shigaraki had a dark, devious plan.
I'll fuck his American ex-boyfriend.
Meanwhile, David was getting drunk again, his sQuIrMy FiNgErS having trouble gripping the bottle. He tipped it back, spilling half the liquor bottle across his shirt. He got angry and threw the bottle at the wall. "GOD! Toshinori, why'd you leave me?!" Melissa was off god know where, probably thirsting after Deku or something, so she thankfully was not present for this little meltdown of Dave's.
Dave had a lot of meltdowns like this, distraught over his unrequited love for Toshinori Yagi, better known as ✨ All Might ✨. He missed All Might terribly since, y'know, they were in separate countries at the moment. He missed being young, when he could make love to Toshi whenever he wanted to...but Toshi leaving clearly meant he no longer loved Dave, at least that's how Dave registered things, and it left him a depressed drunkard.
He'd had several boyfriends since then (and that one chick that he had Melissa with), but none of them meant anything. None of them could hold a candle to Toshi...those strong, muscular arms that could wrap themselves so easily around David's skinny frame, those blue eyes that pierced Dave's soul, that gorgeous yellow hair that seemed to defy gravity...god, it was all so intoxicating to Dave. Oh, how he missed it, how he missed him.
How could he ever recover, from his Detroit-Smashed heart? How would David ever pick up the pieces? He started sobbing uncontrollably, burying his face in his hands in defeat. What reason do I have to live, without him?
Suddenly, David's phone started to ring: "🎶I WANNA SELL WHAT YOU'RE BUYING, I WANNA FEEL ON YOUR ASS IN HAWAII-🎶"
He picked it up, furious that UNKNOWN CALLER had the fucking nerve to interrupt his depressive episode. "What the hell do you want?"
"I have a proposition for you," said a sexy, scratchy voice. What the fuck, does this guy eat sandpaper?
"What."
"How would you like to get back at All Might for breaking your heart?"
"..I'm listening."
The two men agreed to meet at a Brony Con. "I'll be the guy in the bitchin' Rainbow Dash cosplay holding the 'I'm Here To Fuck David Shield' sign."
"...Maybe don't broadcast the fact that we're going to fuck in a brony con restroom wearing full cosplay?"
"Why the hell not? Not only is it fuckin' hot, but that way word will spread and All Might will hear about it!"
"Hmm, that's smart actually. I'll look for you. I'll be in an Applejack cosplay."
"Sweet, see ya then!" David could hear this man wink. Who knew winking could be audible?
————————-
Shigaraki anxiously waited for Dave, holding his cardboard sign over his head like a boombox. His cosplay was, indeed, bitchin', and he was damn ready to fuck this depressed loser and watch All Might fall apart as a result. David awkwardly approached Shigaraki, tugging on his sleeve nervously. "U-um. I guess you're the man I spoke to on the phone?"
"Yeah, I'm Shigaraki."
"Well, hello. I'm David Shield, and I'm ready for you to fuck me."
"Good thing, because I'm ready to fuck you, David Shield."
They barely even made it to the bathroom before they started a full make-out session, tongues dancing together in each other's mouths, Shigaraki pinning Dave's arms over his head. David arched his back, his head against the wall as Shigaraki licked David's bottom lip. "This is going to be good.."
"So good..." agreed David, thinking of Toshi...I can pretend he's Toshi, though he's nothing at all like Toshi...As Shigaraki's gloved hands traveled across Dave's body, Dave thought of Toshi's strong, capable hands, and how they used to hold him so gently, devoutly, as if he were a holy relic. What ever happened to Dave and Toshi? Things were so good, for a while..it seemed like it would never end...
David felt a certain..something..against his crotch, and couldn't help the moan that escaped him when Shigaraki started to move his hips against David's.
Just when things were starting to get good, the bathroom door flew off the hinges, thoroughly Delaware Smashed. Standing in the doorway, tears in his eyes, was none other than All Might in a Twilight Sparkle cosplay!!
"D-David? I-is that you? With Shigaraki?"
"Wanna join?" Shigaraki asked before he could think twice.
"Toshi, I can explain-"
"There's no need, Dave. You've broken my heart!" Toshi yelled, running out of the bathroom sobbing.
David cried too, forgetting the man on top of him. "Toshi..."
"That was awkward," said Shigaraki with a grin. Things were going just as planned! He'd known that All Might would be at this convention, which is why he wanted to take David here where All Might was sure to discover them. He resumed what he'd been doing, reaching a hand down David's trousers, when Dave smacked Shigaraki's hand away.
"I have to go, I'm sorry!" David said tearfully, running after his one true love. "Toshi, wait!"
All Might stopped, whipping around to face David with all the rage and sorrow in his heart. "How could you do this to me, David? I love you, doesn't that mean anything?!"
"You LOVE me?! I-I thought when you went to Japan, that-"
"Oh, David. I never stopped loving you, not for an instant."
They kissed passionately, tears falling from both men's eyes. They were overjoyed to have been reunited in true bliss at the Brony Con.
"Now. Why don't we go to that bathroom where I'll fuck you senseless?" All Might suggested.
Dave gulped. "Y-you could Detroit Smash me anytime, Toshi."
And with that, Shigaraki's evil plan had been thwarted. He went back home mourning his loss, and ended up having sex with Dabi because he still needed to have sex with somebody, y'know?
Meanwhile, with David and Toshinori's love realized, the two of them were wed the very next day, and Uncle Might became Dad Might to Melissa, and became Husband Might to Dave.
The end 💚
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Cursed Oneshots
FanfictionI didn't want these in my other oneshot book since they're not (all) x reader Viewer discretion is advised. Rated Y for whY tf would you read this WE ARE NUMBER ONE (in the hashtag # kachow and # philswift !)
