ChisakisSoap suggested the addition of Count Lucio from The Arcana. Sorry if I get anything wrong.
Lucio sipped his wine, watching the fire crackle in the fireplace. He let his mind wander from his usual selfish whims, and he realized, I feel so lonely...
At this point, a floating, one-eyed triangle in a top hat appeared before him. Lucio gasped dramatically. "What's this?!?!"
"The name's Bill! I'm here to cut you a deal, what do ya say?"
"Hmm...you can help me end this loneliness I feel inside?"
"Uh, sure?"
"Excellent! You have yourself a deal!"
The two of them shook hands, then Bill said, "I forgot to tell you bro, there's a catch..you have to live as a goat until you meet your true love."
"WHAAAAAT?!"
Gompers was chomping on a soda can, confused by his new goat brother. His husband Waddles oinked happily, because pigs were naturally happy creatures. Gompers was suspicious of Ghost Goat Lucio, but could not voice his concerns, for he was just an ordinary goat with no abilities of speech.
Meanwhile, another newcomer entered the sleepy town of Gravity Falls, Oregon...
A student from UA High...
None other than the Fresh-Picked Hero: Grape Juice...also known as Minoru Mineta.
He stepped off the bus, dust rising as the bus drove away quickly. He scratched the top of his head. "This place looks like a dump..." he said to himself as he took a look around.
"I wonder where all the hot girls are..."
It was then that a large tour-bus passed by, covered in advertisements for GIDEON GLEEFUL: TEENAGE PSYCHIC.
Mineta saw the silver-haired psychic's picture and blushed slightly. Woah! That might be a guy, but....damn is he hot...does this mean I'm bi??
As Mineta panicked over his sexuality, Gideon was staring forlornly out his window.
Ever since the Pines family had thwarted his evil plans three years ago, Gideon had been so alone. Ever since then, he'd been trying to rebuild his brand as a child psychic, but it was harder without his magic bolo tie. He had to make things up as he went along, and he really wasn't any good at it.
But what choice did he have? He had to restore the Gleeful name and bring honor to his family...
It was his duty.
So he slowly began regaining popularity, hosting a myriad of shows across Gravity Falls and the surrounding area. After three years of hard work, he'd reached farther heights than ever before, now having his own tour bus to travel in from show to show.
He was coming back home to Gravity Falls for a show, and he couldn't be more disappointed. Rumor had it the Pines twins were back in town, and Gideon didn't want anything to do with that.
He just wanted to trick people into thinking he was more special than he was.
That night, he was shaky with nerves as the curtains rose and he released a flock of doves, just as he'd always done in shows in the past. But he'd grown up a lot, and he was not the smiling. singing little boy he'd been three years ago. Now, his shows were much more to the point, no cute little song-and-dance routines in sight.
Even still, it was enough to leave Mineta entranced. He'd stumbled across the tent by mistake, aimlessly wandering through town. He was still caught up on the question of his sexuality when he noticed the big banner with the silver-haired prophet from earlier, promising "excitement and whimsy!"
A grin split the grape boy's face as he practically flew into the tent, scrambling for a seat. As he watched the show, he was nothing short of enchanted.
When Gideon finished his performance and retreated to the backstage area, Mineta began a mad dash to get to him, knocking people out of his way in his desperation. He just had to meet the boy who was making him feel these things...
"Gideon Gleeful?"
Gideon turned around, his tall silver hair like a beacon in the low light. "Oh, are you a fan?"
"...You could say that. Honestly, I'm not sure what I am..."
"Oh...okay? Well, what's your name?"
"I'm Minoru Mineta!"
"Alright, Mineta, would you care to join me for dinner tonight?"
"R-really?!"
"Of course!"
Gideon took Mineta to the fanciest restaurant around. In fact, he'd taken Mabel here on a date once upon a time...but he didn't want to think about that now. Currently, Gideon wished to think of nothing else but the purple-haired boy in front of him. Was it hair? Whatever it was, it was very grape-y, and Gideon was very into it.
The two of them got to talking and were enjoying themselves when suddenly—
"*insert loud goat bleating here*"
"A GOAT?!?! NOT IN MY SWAMP!" shrieked the restaurant manager as they ran after the rampaging goat.
The goat shrieked in response, leaping ten feet into the air to land on the table between Mineta and Gideon. "My, aren't you two lovely?" The goat said in a voice only the three of them could hear. To everyone else, the goat was making normal goat sounds. But, Mineta and Gideon could hear him because...
They were Lucio's true loves.
The purple- and silver- haired boys were in shock, mouths gaping like fish.
"The goat can talk..." mineta said.
"The goat has a name," said the goat. "I am Count Lucio Morgasson. And the two of you...," the goat's beady eyes stared deep into the boys' souls, "are my true loves. You shall break this curse, and help me become human once again!"
"What in tarnation is goin' on?" Gideon asked in his southern accent. "Talking goats and curses? I thought Gravity Falls wasn't supposed to have weird shit like this anymore!"
The goat shrugged, somehow, despite having no shoulders, its golden hair shimmering in the moody candlelight. "I don't know what to tell you. But, I must know your names! After all, we are meant for each other!"
The boys introduced themselves, confused as to how a goat could be this attractive...
I guess it really was meant to be, huh?
"So, how do we break your curse, Lucio?"
"I....I'm not sure. The triangle man never really specified...he just said to find my true love..."
"Hold your horses, there. You said triangle man?"
"Yes. It's quite an embarrassing story, but...I made a deal with him, to live as a goat until I met my true love. He said he would help cure the loneliness I've been feeling..."
Lucio had no clue how much the other two understood, how they themselves had been drowning in a similar loneliness before today. Before this fateful meeting....
But now, their loneliness would end. This was the beginning of a new era for them...the era of......Gucci grape juice.
"You mean it's not pronounced GUCKY??!?"
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Cursed Oneshots
FanfictionI didn't want these in my other oneshot book since they're not (all) x reader Viewer discretion is advised. Rated Y for whY tf would you read this WE ARE NUMBER ONE (in the hashtag # kachow and # philswift !)
