I'm Not Fine At All

Chapter 20

After Louis walked out, Liam and Harry stayed on the floor together for over an hour, just holding each other. Harry cried for most of the time, making Liam feel even worse about what he had done. He had no idea how much Harry had grown attached to the older boy. Once Harry had calmed down a little bit, Liam helped him up and took him into his room where they just laid in Liam's bed. It was completely silent apart from the small whimpers and sniffles coming from Harry. Liam sighed, wrapping his arm around the crying boy, shushing him and rubbing his back in soothing circles. "Shh, Haz, you're alright. Just take a deep breath in and blow it out slowly." Harry followed Liam's guidance, breathing in and out evenly until he managed to relax a little bit.

"There you go, love. Much better," Liam whispered soothingly, still rubbing Harry's back. Harry sighed and sniffled quietly. "Why did you do it? Why did you make him leave?" The tired boy asked, his voice still raw from his crying. Liam sighed. "I don't- I don't know. Just, walking into your bedroom and seeing you two together made me so angry. I know you like to think that you're all grown up, Haz, but you're still a kid. Louis's way too old for you. And I think Louis has things to offer that you may find hard to deny so I don't want him to get too close to you. I just want you to wait until you're ready, and I want you to...do it with someone who loves and cares about you. You haven't known Louis long enough, and you don't know him like I do. He has a bit of a temper."

Harry pulled away from Liam and sat up, pulling his knees tight to his chest. "But I liked him. He was nice. Boys are never nice to me." Liam sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. "Look, Haz, it was just something I had to do to protect you. Now, can you please tell me everything that happened from the moment Louis came into your room. I just want to know the full story." Harry huffed and sat up, trying to remember the previous night's events in order. "Well, I was watching Heathers when I heard someone banging at my door. I thought it was just someone from the party so I opened it and was about to yell at them when I saw Louis standing in the hallway."

Harry paused, trying to piece together what happened next. "Umm, then he came in and was smiling really big at me, almost scary big. He called me baby, but I knew he was drunk so I just tried to keep my distance. But then he came over and pulled me into a really tight hug. He was sniffing my hair and telling me I was always the best and that I smelled really good. I pulled away from him and I kept him at arm's length, but then he got upset and asked me..." Harry trailed off, not wanting to tell Liam what Louis said. Liam nudged him, gesturing for him to continue.

The younger boy coughed and readjusted himself, keeping his face turned away from Liam so he couldn't see how red he was. "He, umm, he asked me for a kiss." Harry turned and watched as Liam puffed up, his face turning an angry red color, his hands forming into fists at his sides. Harry rushed to explain. "It wasn't suggestive, Liam. I don't even know if he wanted to really kiss me. He could have just wanted a kiss on the cheek. Don't get mad at him, it was completely innocent." Liam rolled his eyes, feeling like nothing Louis had ever done in his life was really innocent. Harmless, maybe. Legal, possible. But not innocent.

Harry sighed and continued, trying to make it sound better than it really was. "Then, I offered him some water, just to kind of help him sober up, but he said no and crawled into my bed. He was just tired, though. I got in with him and we just talked for a bit, and then we watched a movie. We fell asleep while watching the movie. That's all that happened. Honest." Liam bit his lip, contemplating whether he should call Louis and apologize or not. He was taken out of his thoughts by the sound of his phone chiming from his bedside table. It was a call from Zayn. Liam left the room and answered it, wondering if it was an emergency.

"Hello?"

"Mate, it's Zayn."

"I know, idiot."

"Right. Well, I have some big news that's gonna make you freak."

"Make it quick, Zee. I'm kind of busy right now."

"Well, you know Harry's little friend, Niall? The one you're in love with?"

"I'm not in love with him."

"Whatever. Apparently, he snuck into the party last night."

"Why didn't I see him?"

"He was probably hiding from you. But, that doesn't matter right now. Guess what he did, like, right after he got there."

"Zee, I'm getting tired of this. Just tell me."

"Fine. He sucked Louis off in the hall closet."

"He what?"

"He sucked Louis o-"

"I heard you the first fucking time, Zee. How did you find out?"

"Cathy walked in on them. She texted me this morning and told me all about it. She said Niall really looked like he knew what he was doing."

"Fuck. Look, I have to go. I'll talk to you later."

"Alright. Bye, mate."

"Bye."

Liam gritted his teeth and walked into the kitchen, throwing his phone onto the counter. "Fuck!" He yelled, slamming his fists down. Harry came out of Liam's room and walked up to Liam, setting his hand on his shoulder. Liam flinched, pushing Harry's hand off of him. "I told you Louis wasn't good for you." Harry furrowed his brows in confusion. "What are you talking about?" The older boy sat down at the table, motioning for Harry to sit down next to him. Harry sat down, setting his hands in his lap, picking at his fingernails. "That was Zayn on the phone. He told me something that happened last night at the party."

Harry blinked slowly, chewing on the inside of his cheek. "He, uh, told me that one of the girls at the party found Niall in the uh, in the closet with...with Louis." Liam looked at the younger boy apologetically, reaching his hand out to touch him. Harry jerked his hand away and stood up, walking over to the kettle. He took it off the stove and filled it up, putting it back on the stove when he was done. "Haz?" Harry ignored him, turning the stove on. "Harry, I know you can hear me. I'm sorry the guy you had a little crush on messed around with someone else bu-" Harry cut him off. "That's not what I'm pissed about. I asked Niall to come over to hang out with me during the party but he said he couldn't because he had plans. I'm mad because he fucking lied to me."

Liam's mouth formed into an 'o' and he nodded. "Oh. That's...that's fucked up. Why would he do that?" Harry shrugged and turned back around, digging through the cabinet to find his favorite tea. He fumbled around with the box, trying to open it but his hands were too shaky. Liam stood up and took the box from him, opening it and pulling out a packet. "Here, let me do that. You just sit down and take a minute." Liam ushered Harry to the table and took over at the counter, taking out a teacup and the sugar. Harry sat down at the table, putting his head in his arms. Why would Niall lie to him?

A few moments later Liam came over to him and set his tea down, patting his back as he did so. "Come on, love, drink your tea. You'll feel better afterward." Harry sat up again, rubbing his eyes. He reached forward and grabbed the cup, taking a sip of the warm drink and sighing. "Thank you, Li-Li." Liam nodded and pecked the top of the boy's curly head. "I'm so sorry Niall did that to you. That was a shitty thing to do, even for him." Harry smiled and hugged Liam's waist from where he was sitting. "I just wish I knew why he lied to me. I'm honestly not even mad that it was Louis that he did it with. I mean, he was probably too drunk to know what Louis looked like so how could he know it was my Louis. But why did he feel the need to tell me that he had other plans? I would have been cool with him coming here."

Liam shrugged and sat down next to Harry, scooching his chair over so he could wrap his arm around him. Harry drank the rest of his tea, staring at one spot on the wall across from him. The apartment was a complete mess, with cups all over the counter and floor, bits of food everywhere, and a few drops of something white on the table in front of Harry. He shivered when he thought about what that might be. "Can we clean up? It'll help me keep my mind off of...everything. That's what I always do when I have a lot on my mind." Liam nodded and went into the pantry, pulling out the vacuum and mop. "Here you go. I'll go set up some tunes and we can clean this mess up." Harry started taking all the cups off the counter while Liam turned on some Sex Pistols. Liam came back into the room and grinned at his little brother, helping him pick up the trash, both of them forgetting about the problems in their lives.