Janthony Oneshots

You Don't Get It

tw: shooting

It was a quiet evening in the Jones-Ramos household.  Dinner was long finished, the two having migrated to the couch to cuddle.  The dogs were laying on the floor in front of them, sleeping peacefully. A news channel was playing, but neither was paying very much attention to it.  Both were too caught up in the presence of the other, light kisses and gentle words of adoration being passed back and forth. 

The happenings of the day seemed like they were miles away; until one story in particular grabbed their attention, particularly Jasmine's.

"A black woman has been shot and killed in Brooklyn, New York. Witnesses say she was out with her dog early this morning when she was shot from a car waiting across the street. Police suspect that this may have been racially motivated. NYPD says the suspect is in their mid-thirties, tall, heavy build and is caucasian with light skin. Anyone with information is urged to call the police."

Jasmine could feel her blood boil, tears stinging her eyes as she sat up and turned off the tv.

'The third black life this month' she thought.

Anthony noticed her shift in attitude, and he sat up with her. He was slightly surprised when he saw tears dripping down her face, moving his hand to try to wipe them away.

"Hey, hey. What's going on Jas?"

Jasmine simply shook her head, unable to find the words to speak.

"Jazzy, baby, please. Talk to me." It was silent for a while before she spoke, but her whispered sentence nearly shattered his heart.

"That could be me."

His first instinct was to go into denial, searching her face for where this could be coming from. "What? No, Jas. Y-you can't think like that."

"Except I have to. Because that could be me, walking Nala or Prince. All it takes is one bullet, Ant. One bullet and a little bit of hatred and I could end up just like that woman."

To say Anthony was at a loss for words was an understatement. He couldn't comprehend how she could think like that. He could understand maybe being a little cautious, but to be that afraid of something that may not even happen? It sounded outrageous to him.

"I know babe, just... try not to think about it."

"Try not to think about it? Ant, sometimes that's all I can think about. I'm scared. It makes me scared. This is a fear that you can't understand."

She quickly wiped the tears that had found their way onto her face, looking down at their interlocked hands as he gave her a look of sympathy. "Look Jas, I get it. I really do. But--"

"No Anthony. You don't get it." She shook her hand out of his and stood up, pacing the room.

"You may have yourself convinced that you get it, that you understand how I'm feeling, but you don't. And no matter how hard you try, you will never understand this particular pain. This fear. I mean, how could you? How could you possibly understand what it's like to fear for your life everytime you step outside? How could you understand the panic that I feel everytime I see a police car? Or how I feel when I can see the casheir eyeing me at the grocery store. How could you possibly know what it's like to fear for your dad's safety when he goes anywhere, especially at night?"

"Jas, your dad is fine! He's an actor. He's famous!"

She felt like she could laugh. Was she really marrying a man this naive?

"Ant, babe, I love you. You know I do. But are being serious right now? Like, can you hear yourself? You think that just because my dad's in a couple of big shows that he'll be safe? To them, fame doesn't mean shit! He could be the CEO of Apple and they wouldn't care, because the moment they see a black man, they see a threat. The second they see skin darker than their own, even skin like mine, they think that they're in danger. They don't see a human Ant, they see a monster. And it's messed up and it's wrong, but's it's also the world we live in. And if you can't see and accept that things like that happen every day, then I hate to tell you but you're part of the problem."

The silence between them was deafening as he processed her words. He quickly realized that this was the reality of his fiance's life, and he had somehow missed that. He had never realized that the fear they talked so much about on the news had been instilled in the love of his life, and he had never even once stopped to consider the effects of that.

He had never considered that even though he was dating a black girl, he could still be immune to the reality that was her everyday.

He had been told when they first started dating that being with a person of colour would change his perspective on the world, but he never really understood it until now. The realization that she could be taken from his at any moment, just because of the colour of her skin, brought tears to his eyes.

He made his way across the room, wrapping her in a tight hug. He choked back a sob as she hugged him in return, stepping back to hold her at arms length.

"Jasmine, I am so sorry. I know, I can't even begin to understand what it's like for you to walk through this world, and I'm so sorry if I've ever invalidated your feelings or even your fears. I promise you I'm gonna try really hard to educate myself and support you any way that I can."

She lead him back over to the couch, letting him release his tears on her shoulder. "Thank you Ant. I know that you're going to try your best, and I am so proud of you for that. I also know that you're going to make mistakes, but the fact that you're already willing to own up to them is a great start. And I'll be here to help you learn from them too."

All he could do was nod, tears still streaming down his face. She took to toying with his short curls until his tears reduced to sniffles.

He looked up into her eyes, seeing nothing but the caring soul that she was. He couldn't begin to fathom how someone could see her as a threat, but then again, that wasn't his job.

"I love you so much, Ace. You know that right?" She smiled. "Yes, I do know that. And I love you to. Even when you're being dense." This got a chuckle out of him as he curled into her side, content on staying like that for the rest of the evening.

He could never fully 'get it', he knew that now. But supporting her and loving her through everything life threw at them was something he could, and would continue to do; for as they as they both lived.

1184 words

a/n - I have wanted to write this oneshot for a really long time, but everytime I tried, I would get so angry that I would lose my words. I started this one a couple months ago when 2 black men were killed in my community, within 4 days of each other. One was grown with children, the other the same age as me. To say that it scared me is an understatement. I was terrified for my dad to go out with the dog, terrified that someone might look at his skin and decide to take his life. To be honest, I still am. I stiffen every time a police car drives past me, and I can only breathe properly again once it is long gone. This is reality of our world.

That being said, Black Lives Matter. To my black followers; I see you, I hear you, and I feel your pain. You are strong, and you matter.

To my non black followers, you don't understand. You could never even begin to understand this pain, but that is okay. We don't need you to understand, we need you to stand behind us, support us, and help lift up our voices in the times that it matters. You don't need to understand to fight for justice. You don't need to understand to fight for change.

I hope that you're all staying safe, and that you have a good day

- Sarah :)