I killed my mate [in process, please be patient]

Turning tables

Sixteen

Viktor Frankl once said: “life can be pulled by goals just as much as it can be pulled by drives.” It changes from time to time and you are very aware when the transition occurs because it does not matter whether which of those do or do not pull you, it is not significant unless you are not certain in which category does what is keeping you motivated fall in.

What happens though, when you simple don’t know? When you don’t know if what is keeping you motivated is necessarily a goal or a drive, what if is only a routine what pushes you? Into what category does that fall? Goals are often mistaken as drives but you can’t never mistake a drive from a goal. A routine however, can be mistaken as both.

A goal is always a wish whereas a drive is mostly a need, one can mistake how much you wish something, to the point of feeling like you need it to live but one can’t never mistake or undervalue a need as a wish. A routine is confused as both because you grow so attached to it, that you feel like you need it, like you don’t want to leave your comfort zone like you wish to have it forever and once we do, when we choose to stick to the routine and not let it go, are we are  of what consequences it may bring?  

Daniel’s PoV

It’s been years since I last saw her, since I did what I did to both her and her dad, since I became the alpha of this pack based on lies and wiles. Ever since I left her in the woods and the pack started wondering what happened with Alpha Leroy and her daughter, I made the whole story up, he was dead and his daughter was the killer. No one believed me of course because everyone knew that I was his mate and that I had rejected her.

Then the stupid of Adrian came along and told everyone I had killed his Alpha. Some protested but everyone was aware that by killing the leader of the pack you automatically become it, still some challenged me for the position but back then I was still the best fighter in both human and wolf form and so no one could have defeated me.

Right now I am sitting on the big couch in front of the chimney, in a new small house I built to get some alone time. Time away from pack business, time away from pack problems, time away from Layla.

I was young and naïve when Angelina came to my life. I was so infatuated with Layla that I could not see how perfect my true mate is, was. She is not my mate anymore, I rejected her but I still cling to the littlest hope that one day we can still get back together.

There is a knock in the door and I don’t even have to guess who it is, after all, the only person who dares disturbs my peace is the only person who makes me need it.

“I’m busy right now,” I scream without moving
“Babe,” whines Layla, “I need you,” she pauses and I can picture her lustful face, “very much and right now”
I sigh, lean my elbows to my knees and rub my temples.

Layla has been nothing but my sex toy ever since the pain of my mate having sex with another wolf hit me. It was unbearable! Like no other pain I have ever experienced. It drove me crazy for an entire month!  Drove me to mistreat the pack and tell everyone who dare comment on it to shut it. 

The pain did not seemed to stop and so I figured that what I needed, what my body craved was the sexual tension to be released. I started using Layla for it and it was a good way to keep Layla and myself pleased, at least physically.

Emotionally I’ve been an even bigger mess up. My wolf has not come to me ever since that night I slept with Layla to get rid of the physical pain. I haven’t transformed in more than six months and everyone knows it. Luckily it hasn’t leaked outside of the pack, yet, that the alpha of the Raven Leroy pack can’t transform into his wolf form, nevertheless that is not a big deal since the curse set upon Angelina’s father entail the same curse. We have both proven that even in our human form, we are strong enough which is the reason why there haven’t been any uprisings, yet …