I killed my mate [in process, please be patient]

Guardian

Pablo Neruda once said, “I fell in love with live. It is the only one who can’t leave me, without me leaving it first.” I tried falling asleep so many times yesterday, I was tossing and tossing in my bed but sleep didn’t come. Is now two in the morning and I can’t fall asleep, but not because of eagerness or excitement but out of dread, fear and insecurities.

My insecurities are eating me alive because I didn’t know I had so many. After Mel pointed one out, every other started appearing and I couldn’t stop them to. So yeah, I totally understand what Neruda said about loving live more than anything, because it is the only thing you do decide to leave, even when you die and you don’t want to; because there’s always a part of you that can fight to surge back, to be brought back, but you choose whether you do or not.

I move on my bed and then jolt my body up deciding I wouldn’t fall back to sleep, so I rather do something productive instead and go running. I change into training wear and head to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. Once I’m on the kitchen I head to the fridge and grab one.

“What are you doing?”

I put my hand on my heart and find it wildly beating, “why the hell you did that?” I say while I turn around and find, with no surprise, Alec smirking at me

“Well I was just asking you a question”

I close the fridge and glare at him, “well, I’m leaving,” I say grabbing my bottle

“Obviously,” he says looking at me from the head down, “but the question is where you are going at three in the morning”

I fold my arms and lean in one leg, “curiosity killed the cat”

He shrugs, “Satisfaction brought it back, besides I’m not a cat, curiosity can’t kill me”

“Well it surely can leave you hanging, so I’ll leave it that,” I say about to walk out when he grabs my forearm

“Wherever you are going, I’ll go,” I look at him puzzle and with some sort of happiness? Growing inside me, “I need to, remember? I’m your personal guard,” and the feeling is gone

I look at him unchanged from his comment, “I’ll just go for a run, you don’t come; there isn’t any possibilities of that happening,” I say jerking my arm and going outside the house.

I go out and leave my stuff on the open closet near the entrance and start stretching. When I hear the door opening again while I am tying my shoelace, a few minutes later; I’m not surprised either to see him changed into sportswear. I look at him and decide not to say anything about it because I want to have a peaceful run.

When I start running, is obvious he does as well and that his intentions are clear. He’ll be taking the same road and probably being at the same speed as me. What he didn’t expect is that by the end of my run I’ll be breathing a little bit heavy, but he’ll end panting.

I smile, “you are a little bit rusty,” I say once we are done

He breathes, trying to ease his heartbeat, “I didn’t know you run so fast,” he says when he has calm down

I shrug, “yeah, hasn’t she told you I’m special?”

He frowns, “who?”

“Oh common, I’m talking about Mel,” I pause and hit the back of his head, “think a little”