Aru Shah One-Shots

Stairs in the North

Trigger Warning: Mentions of suicide, anxiety attacks (You can skip this if you want to)

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"Let's climb a bit more, Rudy. One step, then another. Come on, we can do it." she said, before that thing happened to me.

I remember walking restlessly, and looking forward, and at the end of those stairs, the spotlight of the sun that's been waiting for me. And the Potatoes. They expected me to reach them, but I didn't. I let them down. I always let everyone down, don't I? I let down my family and my friends. At least I haven't let down my gems.

But it seemed like I stayed put on the stairs for too long, and now there's only cold night air. I felt regretful, but I said goodbye to the stairs, and to the Potatoes, and everyone else who was up there without me. I then said goodbye, then went down the stairs. The stairs were a baby blue color, like Nikita and Sheela eyes, and the railings were cold. They felt as cold as 'ice'. I remembered the times where everyone got frustrated with me. Especially Aiden. What if I was a good cousin? What if I hadn't acted the way I always act? What if I told them about what I've been dealing with? Being the weakest one, the disgrace to my family, constantly being bullied by my brothers, who would've been better with the Potatoes than I was with them.

What if I told them that I was dealing with depression? Would they still treat me the same way? Would they treat me differently? Sometimes, I feel like the only people I have in my life are my gems, or the counselor I secretly go to. But at least Aru laughed at my joke once. That made me feel warm inside, but that was only one time. But at that moment, I forgot everything that's been happening to me. I felt a spark of joy, but it didn't ignite into a flame. And looking back, what if I told them about my anxiety attacks? I trust them, but something was holding me back from telling them.

And that girl, Mini. I hardly even paid attention to her. I should've listened when she spoke, I should've given her more attention.

I should've, I should've.

But I didn't, I didn't.

I stopped when I made it halfway down the stairs. Would I be able to go back? I was worried, and hesitant, and I didn't know what to do.

All the praise I get when I do something right, when my family lets me roam around anywhere, hanging out with the Potatoes, all the warm memories I had, which I've become used to. I would always daydream about them, but they came true! But, can I really put them behind, and go down the stairs? As if anyone would care, right?

Wait, I thought, could I turn around and go back? I turned my head and faced the upper half of the stairs. I then turned around completely, and tried to take a step into the night air, but my feet wouldn't move. I tried to move my other foot, trying to charge my body with strength, but it wouldn't move either.

"A-am I too late?"

I tried to move both my feet at the same time, but it was like they were glued to the steps.

"You're too late, Rudra."

The voice sounded like Mini's.

Was I really too late?

Had I just made the biggest mistake of my life? Well, the very first mistake was my parents making me. Was this where my story ends? I've thought, and even considered suicide, but I never expected to die like this. Well, I wanted to pass away anyway. And I won't be reincarnated, hopefully. No one deserves to have my unfortunate soul.

I thought about all the people I used to envy, and now that my story is coming to an end, I can put all those people behind me. At least I got to know what Florida was, or how a microwave worked. And I got to taste Brynne's famous lasagna. And take some photos for my fake band. What was the point of starting 'Rudy Rocks' anyway? It was just a waste of time. Oh, I remember now. So my parents would recognize my music, not being a failure.

At least I got to go to one of Aiden's photoshoots, and witness him do cute things with Aru. At least I got to see the fall wind blow in Mini's hair. At least I got to see all the Potatoes laughing and smiling together. At least Nikita upgraded my wardrobe. At least I got to be in the battle against the Sleeper and his troops. At least I got to see the Nairrata army. At least I got to watch a K-Drama with Mini. And learn a K-Pop dance with her. At least I got to know the Pandava sisters. And the Pandava adjacent.

I sighed. I closed my eyes and imagined the rhythm I felt whenever I was listening to my gems. At the time, I didn't care what others thought of me, but now, I did more than ever. I felt tears stream down my cheeks. All those memories, good or bad. Warm or cold. Dumb or smart. They all mattered to me. But I threw them all away selfishly. I thought the sun would rise, so I could proceed, but it didn't. I only saw stars, and a consolation that looked like 'R+M'. No bright colors surrounded me. I looked behind me, and the stairs started to fade. I remembered the way when the sunlight hit something, everything would become beautiful, but even more, Mini. The way she smiled at me, treated me, and cared for me. If only my family could do the same. But they didn't. Of course they didn't.

They hate me.

Doesn't almost everyone I meet immediately think I'm annoying? Just like Aiden. The way he rubbed the bridge of his nose whenever he saw me. I always put on a confident smile, even though I wasn't. And when it wavers, it was a small glimpse of what I actually felt. If only courage filled me up at the time. If only I listened to her, and went up the stairs. To the place on top of it.

The sun still didn't rise. No light surrounded me with various colors. There were no more beautiful things. I was a coward. I never made it to the place on top of the stairs.

Then a void-like thing appeared under me, and I could make out spikes towards the bottom. I felt a smile, and tears creeped onto my face. A happy smile, but sad tears.

My story would finally end.

I would finally be gone, forever.

And I'll never be able to discover the secrets, or what lies at the northern stairs.

The void opened up more, and I fell face first into it.

Goodbye, family.

Goodbye, food.

Goodbye, Florida.

Goodbye, microwaves.

Goodbye, Potatoes.

Goodbye, Mi-

It was finally over.

The spike pierced through my stomach, and blood oozed all over it.

My story is done.

And, goodbye, Mini.

I'll miss you.

The secret I've discovered at the Northern Stairs (북쪽 계단에서 발견한 비밀)

~EL FIN~

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My heart hurt so much writing this. And if there are any other trigger warnings, let me know so I can put it in the beginning. Anyways, hope you liked reading it (?). (Word count: 1,257)