The Villainess Just Wants to Study

Chapter 60 ~ What It Means to Love Someone

"He touched her, lightly and gently, with a single finger. He traced the words I love you. Over and over on her skin."

***

Dylan called for one of the servants to have a carriage prepared at once. She stood patiently in the courtyard as the sun rose and flooded the courtyard with its light. She had to return to Faerchester Academy to meet with Caspian.

"My lady," said Jessie, "do you have to go so fast?"

"I will not be alone," Dylan hastened to reassure her. "Sir Cadence will accompany me. I'll be back tonight, okay?"

Jessie dropped her eyes. "I suppose it would be alright, but I think you'd better hurry back. You're always running off to someplace or another."

"I am a very busy woman." She rubbed her red eyes. "God, I need about a week of sleep."

'When was the last time I cried?'

"Where is Sir Cadence?" she faltered. "Send him to me—tell him I have..."

Realizing she'd been standing alone without him for a few minutes, she glanced around in search of Cadence. She finally spotted him leaning against the side of the carriage. For a second their eyes met. He stared. At her. As if they were the only two people in the courtyard.

Clearly surprised, Jessie stared at Dylan, questions in her eyes. "My lady, do you perhaps..."

Dylan broke eye contact with him and glanced at the floor. It hadn't bothered Dylan before, but something had shifted between them in the last twenty-four hours, something important.

Jessie asked, "Do you like him?"

"I never felt as if I quite liked him," said Dylan, looking at the floor sadly. She paused. "I keep on thinking that maybe I like who I am around him. But then again, what does it mean to like someone?"

"My lady, you might already know." Jessie chuckled softly. "You may not see it, but your eyes light up like candle flames when you look at him." 

'I don't think it's possible for me to like somebody.'

Dylan hesitated. "I should go."

***

CLUNK! The carriage came to a stop so abruptly that she nearly fell from her seat. Dylan lifted the curtain on the carriage window and peered outside. 

'Why did we stop?'

The carriage's door was pulled open. Cadence stood outside the open door, bracing one hand on the carriage's door frame. He looked extremely handsome in his uniform. A picture perfect gallant knight. 

Dylan inwardly cursed the wretched Emperor. How could someone destroy something so beautiful? 

She asked, "Why did we stop?"

"Mud," Cadence signed. "The carriage is stuck in mud."

She frowned and stared out the window. Beyond the glass pane a gorgeous field of sunflowers stretched to the distant horizon. She chuckled to herself, remembering the day Grisa had gifted her sunflowers.

"Let's take a walk while we wait," she muttered. "I want some fresh air."

The sun was warm, the flowers fragrant, and all around stretched green leaves and yellow flowers. In the field, there seemed to be such an absolute stillness. Dylan felt disoriented for a moment, as if time had simply stopped. 

"What a day," sighed Dylan as she plopped down onto the grass. She shut her eyes and stretched—enjoying the warm sun on her skin. "I wish I could do this more often."

Dylan glanced up at the afternoon sky, whose clearness reminded her of an image of freedom. At moments like these she felt at peace. She wanted the stillness and serenity to seep into her heart.

Cadence sat down on the grass next to her, leaning back on his hands. Cadence couldn't take his eyes off of her. She was pretty, her golden hair shining in the sunlight. His fingers slid into her thick curls, pulling the hair away from her face.

He marvelled at the way her hair fell so perfectly in a tousle of curls against her back. He never thought a girl could be this beautiful, and with every passing moment he spent learning about the parts of her soul she tried so hard to hide away, she only grew more so in his eyes. 

Dylan watched the sky with admiration, the same way he watched her. He wished their world would stop moving so he could remember every little detail about this exact moment. 

"Do you think it'll get easier?" she asked him quietly. "Seeing people die?"

He shook his head, still focused on her face. Their hands were only inches apart on the grass.

"My mother died," she said with trembling lips and wide eyes, "and I couldn't save her. I couldn't do anything."

He slid his hand over to cover hers. It was a small gesture, but a comforting one, and Dylan was grateful for it. She had never talked about her mother, not once. For the first time since her mother's death, she felt like she didn't have to pretend. 

"I feel like my whole life I have been a liar but with you I am finally honest." She smiled pathetically, then said, "That probably won't be for very long. I'll end up lying to you too."

'Because for someone like me, lying is as easy as breathing.'

"You can lie to me all you want," he signed. Then using the same hand, he gently cupped her cheek.

She turned her face and met his familiar gaze. For the first time ever Cadence saw something flash beneath the surface of her hardened expression and clenched jaw. He saw grief, loss, heartbreak and devastation. He saw the face of someone who had suffered unspeakable events and hid behind a mask to cope.

Dylan refused to look away, even as her heavy lashes grew brimmed with tears and every last bit of emotion beat heavily against her chest. Brick by brick, she let her walls tumble down. Suddenly, she didn't feel so hollow anymore. Suddenly, she could breathe.

"I just want to get out of this place," she cried. His hand brushed her cheek, wiping the tears clinging to her skin. She cried harder. "I hate this place."

She rested her head on his lap. His fingers ran slowly through her hair, then brushed along the side of her face. She had no idea how long they stayed like that, Cadence still silent, while she cried.

It was at that exact moment that Cadence knew Dylan was fighting an inner battle to become a whole person once more. She was healing. They both were. So he made a vow to stay with her, as long as he could, and do whatever he could to keep her safe.

I love you hovered on his lips, but he sighed, unable to ever tell her. He couldn't say the words—no matter how badly he wanted to. He touched her, lightly and gently, with a single finger. He traced the words I love you. Over and over on her skin.

"I need you too much, Cadence Sandoval. More than I ever thought I would." She smiled up at him tiredly. "We should go back."

Perhaps, in that moment, they both found a reason to keep fighting. A small corner of her heart had begun to bloom again because of him. 

***

Faerchester Academy had always been beautiful, and Dylan was no less impressed now as she saw it up close again. It had been built like a soaring castle with glass domes, slender towers, and soaring walls. It was late afternoon and classes were over, so other students frolicked on the grounds going to and fro.

She glanced up at her knight. "Wait here, okay?"

Cadence frowned. He did not want to leave her alone.

"I'll be fine," she assured him, flashing a smile. Dylan pointed toward an oak tree a few yards away. "That's where I'm going. It's not far at all."

For a moment he hesitated, then bowed his head in acknowledgment of the determination in her voice.

'Please be here. Please be here.'

Just as she had thought, Caspian was fast asleep under the shade. Only then did she let out a sigh of relief.

"Your Highness," she said, gently shaking him by the shoulder. "Wake up."

Caspian stirred in his sleep, looking troubled but he did not wake. His lips parted slightly open as he breathed, and she stared at his features as striking and strong as ever. He was just as beautiful as Grisa.

"Your Highness," she said louder. "Wake up."

When she received no answer, Dylan leaned down and studied him closer. The bags under his eyes were so dark they looked painted on. He was clearly tired.

'I feel bad, but I can't afford to waste time.'

Then she bent over him and shouted in his ear, "Prince Caspian de Oberon."

His eyes flicked open, and he sat up with a jolt.

"I really need your help." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "My apologies for waking you."

"I'm rather tired," Caspian answered in his usual groggy voice. "But I'm happy to see you. I heard you left the academy because of an emergency. Is everything okay?"

Tears burned her eyes, and she blinked them away. "Can I ask you for another favour?"

"You can ask me for anything, princess."

She hesitated. "A toxicologist. Does the Imperial family have one?"

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I hardly get any comments anymore :( Do you guys still read this story? I feel like my readers all vanished. 

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