Written In This Diary Are The Feelings That I Can't Change - Larry Stylinson

Chapter 6 - Louis POV

2 WEEKS LATER

The last 2 weeks were terrible. I always kept to myself or was with Eleanor and away from Harry and thus even the other boys. I excused myself from all the dinner nights me and Harry used to have, the movie nights with all the boys, the game nights and all other outings. I was only with them when necessary; I even recorded my solos at odd timings or times when I didn't have to see Harry. I can tell that the boys are pissed with me and I am angry at myself too. The boys are frustrated that I don't participate in any activities anymore. I spend my time with Eleanor who I have become very close to. She is a true friend who I have grown to love as a sister. Whenever I'm down she reminds me that this is for Harry and that makes everything seems doable.

HARRY POV

As expected, I didn't go to Niall again for comfort. He's a great lad but no one can take Louis place and no one can comfort me like Louis. I hide my sorrow; I try to maintain my dimple smile that Louis loved but it's hard. Every action reminds me of Louis. Our house that was always bright with Louis' laughter is dull and Louis is rarely home anymore. I find myself crying whenever I'm alone and that is most of the time. Louis ignores me now; I never see him anymore. When we have to be together, he refuses to meet my eyes; what happened? What changed him so drastically? My new best friend is the diary and I keep writing in it, songs, thoughts, emotions, everything. The songs in that book are all for Louis. My diary is nearly half full and luckily, it's disguise is working, no one has suspected anything yet. I have found a new friend, by accident and I wish I never found it – the razor blade. I have a love-hate relation with it. It provides me with momentary relief and awesome escape but I still hate it as I know I shouldn't cut. Every day I am afraid the other band members will find out my secret.

Speaking of the band, it isn't the same from inside. We still put wonderful performances and though there are rumors of a Larry fight, there isn't much speculation on the topic; I guess we are good actors for from within nothing is the same. The movie nights are no longer any fun as Zayn doesn't have anyone to pillow fight with, Niall doesn't have anyone to beat in FIFA, I don't have anyone to laugh at my horrible knock-knock jokes and Liam doesn't have anyone to scold. The life of the party was Louis who he has gone away from us and it hurts. We still uphold the tradition of movie nights though no one enjoys them anymore. Today, we have a movie night and we decided a good laugh would does us some good. At a particularly funny scene, I lifted my arm to put it around Louis who usually sits beside me. "Lou-," I started but I stopped remembering he wasn't there. Tears sprung to my eyes and I hope no one noticed. I excused myself to the washroom. I went to my room and wrote in my diary before leaving it to go and cut my wrists. I shouldn't but I can't help it.