Written In This Diary Are The Feelings That I Can't Change - Larry Stylinson

Chapter 8 - Niall POV

PAGE 17 (the page when I realized things were very bad)

Dear diary,

Louis is going out of his way to ignore me. He no longer comes to our game nights, movie nights or anything. He records separately and never looks at me. Even though we live in the same house, we don't live "together" anymore. Yet, I still love him. I love his sunshine smile which he never shows anymore; I love his blue eyes that he refuses to meet with mine; I love his feathery hair which he never allows me to run my hand through anymore; I love his sarcasm that I no longer get to hear; I love his warm hugs which I long for; I love the comfort which only he can give me; I love his scent, that smells like home to me; I love him with every fibre in my body. It hurts so much that he ignores me and it makes me feel worthless. Diary, I am ashamed to say that I found another friend other than you and it's rather dangerous. Today when I was shaving the blade fell out and as I picked it up, it slit my fingers. You would have guessed it by now. I liked the feeling of pain; it took away my mind's pain and now the blade is my new friend. I hate that I've started cutting but it relieves so much of the pain; it's addictive.

That's when I realized that the brown droplets splattered on pages were in fact blood. In that moment I realized that Harry wasn't out of the bathroom yet and it has been over 10 minutes. A frightening image came into my mind. I quickly skipped all the pages in between and read the last entry which he had written before heading to the bathroom.

PAGE 23

Dear diary,

Me and the boys were watching a comedy movie for movie night but Louis' laughter was missing; his adorable giggles that always make me smile were absent. I lifted my arm to put it around him like usual and began speaking before remembering that he was with Eleanor again. I couldn't stay down there, so I came up to talk to you. Now I'll go meet my other friend because my arm is itching for the pain, I need a release.

The moment I read this I ran to the bathroom door and knocked on it asking Harry if he was alright, trying to hide my worry and trying to make it seem as though I knew nothing about his cutting habits. He told me he was fine and he'd be out in a minute and that I could leave. However, I stood out there, hoping to confront him.