Written In This Diary Are The Feelings That I Can't Change - Larry Stylinson

Chapter 3 - Harry POV

I was woken up not long later by Louis roughly shaking me and telling me we had to go. I was surprised he woke up before me but considering the fact that I fell asleep not more than an hour back, there was no way I'd wake up early myself. I turned out of bed to go take a shower and then headed downstairs where Louis was waiting in the car, speaking to someone on the phone. I quickly got in and drove to work while Louis was talking on the phone. I figured out he was talking to Eleanor and it hurt me, the way he spoke like she was the most precious thing ever. I also noticed that he seemed to have forgotten about me. Usually, when I woke up late, he'd grab me something to eat and drive for me, while I ate. He would pester me and keep asking me what was wrong and whether I was unwell. Today, however, despite the fact I looked like a zombie, he barely batted an eyelid in my direction. It hurt. It felt good when he asked me how I was, when he grabbed food for me, when he cared for me. Now, however, I was forgotten. Now Eleanor is all that mattered and it broke me from within.

When we reached the studio, Louis rushed ahead, still speaking to Eleanor, while I walked behind. A new set of tears threatened to spill. We always walked in together, sometimes talking, sometimes in silence. Even if one of us were on the phone, we would walk together. Well, now everything has changed. I sighed and blinked away the tears before entering. The boys had an expression of absolute shock. Even when we were absolutely furious with each other, we walked together. We had never walked separately. The Niall took in my facial features and came running to me. I guess not everyone is oblivious. He immediately asked me, "Harry, what's wrong mate." All the boys were now around me. "Nothing," I said not trusting myself to say more without crying. The boys bought it and walked off. However, Niall stayed back and said, "Honestly mate, what's wrong?" He was always closest to me after Louis. "Nothing," I repeated trying to make not only him but me also believe my words. "I woke up late, do you have a snack," I asked quietly. I was starving I hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday. When I told Louis I had eaten dinner, it was a lie and this morning I didn't have breakfast. Niall looked at me in shock. Everyone knows that I always make breakfast for Louis and when I'm running late, he'll always make me a toast or something. So, now Niall stared at me as though I was speaking Chinese. He quickly snapped out of the daze and said, "You were running late and Louis didn't make you breakfast?" He said in disbelief. I just shrugged, knowing I'd cry if I said anything. Even I was shocked when he didn't make me breakfast or ask what was wrong. Niall grabbed me a sandwich which I wolfed down and sat on the couch. All the boys joined me and we chatted about random stuff but the conversation died down without Louis' sense of humor there to keep the conversation going.

Fifteen minutes later, Louis returned and the boys immediately asked him, "What's wrong?" He looked puzzled and said, "Nothing."

The boys took the answer and sat back down. Niall however asked him, "Who were you on the phone with." Louis' face lit up with a sunshine smile and I couldn't help let a smile slip onto my face, his personality was just so bright. He then caught all the boys' attention and told them about Eleanor and how they met two weeks back. All the boys hugged him and congratulated him. Then Niall turned to me and said, "Harry, you've known this for 2 weeks and you didn't tell us!" I sighed and said, "I only came to know last night." The boys had incredulous expressions pasted on their face. Liam then said, "Didn't you guys promise to tell each other everything?" Niall and Zayn nodded their heads in agreement. I wanted to cry. Niall, Zayn and Liam remembered the promise we had made but Louis didn't. I could feel Louis shuffling beside me, uncomfortable. He didn't know how to respond. So, I spoke for him, after all I love him too much, even if he has forgotten about me. "Come on guys. We made that promise ages ago, it doesn't really matter." I said, my voice uncharacteristically bitter but I couldn't help keep the hurt out of my voice. Niall stared at me incredulously, unbelieving that I said that. However, when he saw Louis turn his face away from me, he put two and two together. The other two boys were oblivious to everything that had happened. I knew Niall wouldn't let me hear the end of this and that he would have several questions for me. I also knew that I needed a shoulder to cry on and that Niall would understand and be the comfort I needed since Louis didn't care anymore. I excused myself to the washroom and with my eyes I signaled Niall to come along. The moment I reached the bathroom I slid down the wall and began crying. It hurt so much. I don't know what I did to deserve this. Why is Louis ignoring me, just for a girl?

A few minutes later, Niall came in. He immediately took me into his arms and I sobbed and sobbed. I told him everything that happened since yesterday and I eventually calmed down. I told him about how worried I was about me and Louis drifting apart. He did his best to calm me down but I knew he was shocked that Louis was ignoring me and he himself didn't believe that Louis and I would remain close friends like before. I calmed down in his embrace but it didn't feel right. He didn't smell like home and his arms were too long. He didn't know that playing with my hair calmed me down and that I liked it when it was just quiet. And above all he wasn't Louis. After I calmed down enough, I splashed my face with water and we decided to go out before the boys became suspicious. Before we left, Niall stopped me and said, "I know you and Louis are the closest and I can't replace him but if you need a shoulder to cry on, know that I am there. I know everything that happened and I know what's wrong." I smiled gratefully and thanked him for the offer. However, I knew I would never go for that option. He helped me for sure, but it wasn't Louis, it wasn't the same comfort, the same touch. I also didn't want anyone to know that I liked Louis. I did tell Niall everything but I didn't tell him how I felt for Louis. I was afraid that if I went to him in a sad, vulnerable state, I'd confess my love for Louis and I wanted my love for Louis to remain a secret.

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