Across the Hall | L.S

Chapter 13

A/N- play the song above when you see the ### 

~ Louis' POV ~

I fucking hate myself. 

That moment was absolutely perfect and of course my dickhead self had to ruin it; the look on Harry's face when I rejected him made my heart shatter into a thousand tiny pieces. I wanted to kiss him obviously I did but my body didn't let me, I remembered the last time I tried to kiss someone and how they rejected me. 

I was scared he would reject me so I did it first...

Alarm bells went off in my brain as he was leaning in and I just reacted, if we were to kiss on the lips then it would make everything we have done real and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. What am I saying of course I am ready for that, I've been pining after him ever since he stepped for on this campus. 

How could I do that? To make matters worse instead of kissing him in the car I ended up sucking his dick. Fuck I want to punch myself in the face right now why do I have to ruin everything all the time? 

Harry probably thinks I only want to use him for sex which is definitely not the case at all. 

Right that's it I'm gonna go tell him that I need to talk to him when he is done with Gabi, maybe then I can explain myself and once again apologise for my stupid actions. Hopefully he isn't too angry with me and will actually hear me out but I wouldn't blame him if he slammed the door in my face. 

With the determination I turned around and opened my bedroom door about to walk across the hall but the sight I was met with made my soul leave my body. I swear it felt like all the oxygen was being sucked out of my lungs to the point it actually physically hurt. 

Harry and Gabi were kissing, I stood there frozen in the hallway as Harry closed the door with his foot not pulling away from the kiss. Time stood still as I stayed in the same spot with my mouth open in shock and my heart pounding so hard that I could literally feel it in my ears. 

This is my fault; if I had kissed him like he wanted then we would be the ones in that bedroom right now. My eyes began to feel hot as the tears started to well up in them and I just wanted to fall into a deep dark hole; that's what I deserve anyway a dark pit of loneliness and emptiness. 

How could he do that not even five minutes after being with me? The sheets we slept in last night haven't even gone cold yet and he is already in them with someone else. It hurts; that image, of them kissing keeps flashing before my eyes each time I close them, physically hurts. 

It took everything in me to not kick his fucking door down and rip them apart from each other, instead I inhaled a shaky breath and wiped the tears that had spilled out of my eyes onto my cheeks then turned on my heel back to my room and slamming the door.

Throwing my body onto my unmade bed I don't really know how much time passed while I just laid there silently sobbing and calling myself every name under the sun for ruining something that was starting to go well. 

I must've fallen asleep without realizing while I was crying yesterday because I was awoken by Niall shaking my shoulder and wafting the smell of tea towards me.

"Morning Lou, here's your tea." He said handing me the mug. 

I took the cup and mumbled a quick thanks but then my heart sank, if Niall was in my room that meant that Harry had someone in his room, meaning Gabi had slept over. A lump started growing in my throat but I tried to swallow it down; not wanting to show the other two boys in my room I was upset because that would mean they asked questions.