CHRYSALIS

47.

Harry and I have been sharing a bedroom for a week now. We've existed in this little bubble of evening snuggles with his hand in my hair and another in his book. My cheek resting on the butterfly inked into his skin with my eyes on a book. Morning stretches with our legs intertwined, and lazy kisses that we don't put a label on.

I've been working a lot, fitting in clients before we leave on tour again has been a little stressful but it's nice to feel in demand. Last week I worked on a Burberry Ad, A Gucci cover shoot, an appearance look for Doja Cat, and I worked on Kendall Jenner for a Skims shoot.

Harry had lunch with us that day which was more fun than I had anticipated. We all ate salads and I could not stop giggling about it for several minutes.

What the hell happened to my life and how did it end in me eating fucking salads with HENDALL!?

I wanted to post a photo so badly but I would never do that to them... so I sent it to Frankie instead.

I got calls in from Lizzo and Miley Cyrus about working together the next time I was in LA which was surreal. I already have Kacey booked for my return to LA and Mr. Malone also has me on his schedule.

I did tell Harry about that night with Austin, but it's not like there was anything to be mad about. He wasn't thrilled about the situation but he knows he has no business being upset about who I chose to spend my time with.

He did kiss me an awful lot that night though and he was very handsy, which I'm not complaining about. Jealous Harry is kind of hot if it's harmless.

Tonight is our last night in the city for a long while. We head back to LA in the morning to spend the week preparing for the North American leg of the tour. It will be strange to be back in that house. I'm interested to see what he did with my room, it'll be strange to see it bare.

The plan for the day is fairly chaotic. We've packed up everything that we're taking with us, but a lot is staying here. A lot of these things just feel like they fit here. Harry didn't use this apartment much but I think I'll like being here more often. I like how it feels here, I like how we feel here.

H is out right now at a radio show interview but he should be home soon, then we have some time before I'll work my last shift at the club tonight, and then Harry will join us for the show and party afterward. There will be dancing and drinking and karaoke under the disco balls, I can't wait.

Dante will be there of course, and Axel is stopping by. I've been assured that there will be no issues, no macho bullshit, just celebrating and fun. All the queens are so excited for an extra reason to party, but I know those bitches are going to make me cry. I'll miss them dearly.

They taught me so much, allowed me to flex makeup muscles that I hadn't used in a long time. They taught me every day more about identity and sexuality and how those two aren't even close to the same thing. They taught me how to love harder and have more fun. Not everything has to be so serious, sometimes you can put on fake tits and a wig and scream-sing to Christina Aguilera and just let life be good.

I'm currently eating a handful of goldfish and swaying around the apartment to "Infinity." It came on my shuffled songs and I couldn't bring myself to change it. I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that my H and this Harry are the same person but it doesn't feel possible.

I'd been on the phone all morning catching up with Dad and Britt and finalizing plans with Frankie. This moment of normalcy to myself is a welcome change of pace.

"Pssst. PSSST," an unsettling whisper from outside the balcony makes me pause and promptly shove all the remaining goldfish in my mouth so that I have both hands free. For what, I'm not sure, I mean I'm a good hit, my dad taught me well, but what the fuck am I gonna do with two bare hands on a balcony?