See me with your heart,not with your eyes

Our firsts

Previously
Serkan came close and took off the two parts of the bottle cap, gave to her the bottle, encouraged her to “drink because you must be thirsty after so much time we travelled”, turned around and started fumbling with the parts of the bottle cap. Her curiosity of coursed took the better of her and tried to peer over his shoulder but every time he pushed her away saying to mind her own business. She has growing so frustrated about it, of course there is the old-old cold on the exterior Serkan, off yaaaaa. As she was ready to throw her a witty remark about him brushing her off for the 100th time since he came back and how she always fell into the trap, he turned around and her heart stopped between and her breath was stuck in her throat. Cause Serkan had a beautiful smile from ear to ear and in his hands he was holding a self-made ring that was a circle out of the lower part and a star made out of the upper part of the cap on the top of the ring tied with a little piece of rope he probably found on the beach.

    He went down on the knee saying “Eda Yildiz, will you be my date tonight??”

     Eda could hear her ears ringing and her heart swelling up with happiness. Was she dreaming? Was the universe so inhumane to her that would put her at such a dream, knowing that she'll wake up to the cruel reality afterwards? Fear crept into her heart that all of this is a game. What if this was an act of Serkan to "avenge" her for "her taking his shares" as Selin has manipulated into believing it? She kneeled in front of him, took his face into her hands and looked straight into his eyes. He felt all of the air being sucked out of his lungs. For what seemed like an eternity they looked at each other's eyes and looked past them, straight to their soul. For a split second, they both let their guard down, the wall that both have built, Serkan for years as he remembered and Eda after being repeatedly hurt in the last three months, and understood the pain in their hearts.

     Serkan saw in Eda's eyes the pain and the hurt of loosing her love if her life in a plane crash, the pain of having to sustain days of searching and coming back with nothing in her hands, having to maintain hope when everybody else didn't and then having to stay away from him when he came back because he loathed you as he didn't remember you. All those words that he said to her after he came back that sliced her heart was coming back at him now and were stabbing him one by one. He wished he didn't come back. Not before fully remembering. Or that he called his mom instead of Selin when he woke up in Slovenia. Or even better, that he didn't get into that plane in his wedding day. IN HIS WEDDING DAY FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!!!! This innocent angel didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve to it,too. After all that he had undergone in his life, he didn't deserve to lose the only good thing that happened to him in years. Please, let me not lose her as well please. Because he could see that she was done. Ohhhhh she was soooo done and she was right. She has been fighting for months and he has been a jerk for all along pushing her away because of the fears that Selin has instilled in his brain. And he was serving her blow after blow.
      And she?? She was watching his torment, her pain reflecting and multiplying in his and the pain he himself owns. What if he doesn't remember? Does that means that he can't be hurt? He can't be in pain? No, quite the opposite indeed. He was broken, he was feeling broken. Beyond repair? She couldn't quite know. Serkan was traumatized over and over since he was just a little kid. The death of his brother, a mother that was neck deep in the depression, a father that was constantly complaining him to his brother at first and when he didn't, he wasn't there at all. And now, the loss of his memories even those of the last year and Selin's manipulation. Someone said that we are our memories, well there is a lot of truth in it. Memories are experiences we have lived. Memories is like the wounds to the soldier. They scar him, change his body and stay with him forever. In a way they're part of who he is. And now, he was deprived of all of those moments. He was constantly in the darkness regarding the matters of the last year. He, a person who didn't want to rely on anyone and anything but himself, had to rely on other's to explain to him the events after being subjected to THEIR filter. He didn't have the filter to differentiate the truth from the lies as all he knew was one-sided. He couldn't form his own opinion about matters that he was in the dark of. All this combined with the trauma of surviving a plane crash. Others would have been broken beyond repair, curled into a ball staring the opposite wall and rightfully so. But he was there. Standing up proudly and rolling up his sleeves to work hard. For the company. And maybe, for them. A small smile creeped on her face.