I Am Keeley

Chapter 23: Didn't Fucking Care

Luca's POV

I dried my hair off with a towel and chucked it on the floor as I collapsed into my bed. The sun had long since set, leaving just the slight glow of the moon illuminating the snow outside.

I sighed, turning on the bedside lamp and leaning back onto my pillows. I was confused and I was hurt all at the same time. Keeley's face earlier just about destroyed me. Everything had been great. We had laughed, we had smiled, we had kissed, and we had danced. It had become hard lately to find time that could be spent with just the two of us, and when we finally did, it ended in flames.

I can't even describe the look that had crossed Keeley's face. She had gone from cloud nine to absolutely shell-shocked in a matter of seconds. Her breathing became heavy and quick as her golden eyes focused somewhere that wasn't the living room.

I wanted to run after her, hell, I tried. The only thing that stopped me was Brady. He didn't give me an option as he told me that I wouldn't be able to help Keeley at that moment. He told me he was sorry, but he couldn't let me go upstairs to see her, he wouldn't allow it.

And so I watched as Keeley's best friend chased after her to comfort her. It should have been me up there helping her, but I fucking couldn't and it pissed me off. What could he provide her that I couldn't? I get it that I had known her for far less time than Brady had, but it still should have been me.

And when she flinched away from my hand that was reaching out to help her, I felt as if a part of my heart had shattered at that moment. To think she believed I would ever lay a hand on her made me feel shitty about myself and made me second guess the entire nature of our relationship.

For as long as I've been with Keeley, things have come easily. Whether it be trust, comfort, or love, it just happened. Hell, the day I met Keeley the conversations between us never turned awkward and we consistently had things to talk about. I wasn't used to not knowing what was going on with her. Of course, I'm aware of the fact that she has secrets and pains she would rather not share, but I at least thought she would tell me when things became too much. I thought she would never walk out on me, as she did tonight, without an explanation.

I had stood in the living room alone for a few minutes after everything had happened, wondering to myself where I went wrong. Our families eventually wandered in and I couldn't even look at them without feeling some sort of tug in my chest. I walked off and had come to my room, staying there till now: four agonizingly long hours later, slightly past midnight.

I reached up and rubbed my eyes, willing sleep to come, but I knew it wouldn't. Sleep, for me, was never easy. No matter how exhausted I was, when I laid down my head at night, I could never succumb to the peaceful oblivion that the darkness brings. My mind wandered from topic to topic, from murder to murder. The faces of the people I had killed drowned my thoughts in silent screams and their pleas for life.

But it all changed when I met Keeley. I suddenly found napping and sleeping easier when I laid with her, or even just knowing she was right down the hall made my body rest. It made sleeping easier because I knew that I would be able to see her quicker if I fell asleep this second. Sleeping was easier because thoughts of her consumed my mind rather than the demons who lurked in the shadows of my head.

I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that we were both hurting, and I didn't want to go to her in case she wasn't ready to talk.

I'm not sure how long I tossed and turned, but when I heard three soft rasps on my door, I was up in an instance.

I yanked open my door and was met with the girl who would no doubt always manage to take my breath away. Although tonight, her amber eyes were red and teary and her beautiful blonde hair was matted down and knotted together. The radiance that I usually felt when she entered the room was dull, like there was no sign of it ever existing.