natasha romanoff x reader one shots

always,forever (tw/ed)

TW// eating disorder, body shaming, food

*context// 'always/ forever' is a saying you and Natasha have and it means a lot to you both so just keep that in mind👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩*

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one again, as if by routine you found yourself  stood infront of the mirror inside yours and natashas room, staring at yourself with hate for what you see. you were wearing shorts and a black sports bra. It was the first warm day in a long time and you had spent the last year wearing joggers and baggy tops but this really showed off. well, everything.

You glanced to your phone on the edge of your bed as a notification flashed up from the news. the time read 5:02pm. you hadnt eaten yet today which no longer came at a surprise to you as you didn't most days. you knew it was bad for you but you didn't care. you were an avenger now. dating the most gorgeous woman who was everything you ever wanted and you found yourself inadequate next to her. You figured if you just did this for a few weeks then you'd be good, you'd feel better and you'd look better. But weeks turn to months and as time went on nothing changed and you only became more addicted to tracking everything you ate.

You had become more irritable and a lot more tired, easily ill and distant from everyone around you. you hated it but couldn't seen to stop and so for the millionth time that day you stood infront of your mirror and silently pointed out every imperfection you saw. tears glasses over your eyes as you thought to yourself 'I'm too fat, how could she ever love me, she'll leave, I'm gaining, I'm so ugly, she's using me clearly' as you spiralled and spiralled you collapsed to your knees and let out loud sobs, leaning back against the end of your shared bed, grabbing your mouth with both hands in an attempt to muffle your sobs you buried your head in your knees which you pulled up tight and just sat and let it all out.

After about 5 minutes you didn't have the energy to hide your feelings anymore and a startling sob left your mouth as tears streamed freely from your eyes. after that it only took seconds for the door to start banging as someone tried to open it from the outside. You had previously locked the door so that nobody would walk in on you in such a state and then you heard the soft voice of the one person you cared about more than anything from the other side-
'y/n/n, my love open the door, please open the door...'
you held your breath and hoped she'd leave but you knew she wouldn't.
'please darling. i won't be mad. whatever it is, i won't be mad.'
Concern shone  through her voice like a torch in the dark and so you pulled on the edge of the blanket behind you, pulling your phone to the ground and shakily ordered Friday to unlock the door as you attempted to control your stifled breaths.

As soon as the door unlocked, your girlfriend came bursting through the door and ran straight to you, pulling your body close to hers as you let out heavy sobs into her shoulder and melted into her entirely. You felt her familiar touch as she stroked your long h/c hair down your back and whispered soft shushing noises into your ear encouraging you to calm down, and sure enough it worked, as you gained control of your breath and your tears became a lot less intense, she pulled back and wiped a tear from your red, swollen face as you played with the hair band on your wrist before she spoke up;
'what's happened to you y/n? you're acting so differently and you seem- distracted all the time i just. i want to help you but i don't know how. so. please, please speak to me...'
her calm tone gave you reassurance that she couldn't be mad at you but still you said nothing.
You looked up from your hands for a brief moment and saw natashas face grow more and more concerned and a lone tear fell down her cheek making you shatter inside.

'do you love me e-even though im ugly' you asked timidly, almost inaudibly
'what?'
'im not a supermodel or a magazine cover girl so how could you ever lov- i- it's stupid im sorry there's just. i feel so much pressure from everyone around me- n-not you but everyone else and it was fine at first. Look. Natasha, Ive never been the skinniest or prettiest girl and I didn't care but recently it's just become so- so loud and I wanted to look better for you and for them and so i stopped snacking and then stopped eating breakfast and then lunch and now I barely get through dinner without breaking down and im trying to hold myself together for you because you deserve so much better. you deserve so much more and i don't know if i can give it to you. you deserve better than me so if- if that's what you want you can leave me- i- id understand'
By this point you were in a full blown emotional breakdown and could barely see yourself tracing your fingers through the thick layers of tears clouding your vision and as soon as you finished speaking at her, you felt two warm hands cup your face and shift your gaze to meet the gorgeous emerald eyes you loved so dearly.

'y/n. look at me. i would never, and i mean never leave you. You are the love of my life and I think that you are absolutely perfect. Anyone who says differently can do one because you are the most beautiful person on the earth and i am the luckiest woman ever to be able to call you my girlfriend an- and we can and will get through this. together. whatever you need, I'll help. If you want me to drive to to get fast food at four in the morning I'm there, if you want me to just sit with you whilst you cry, im there if you want anything. I'm there with you 100% of the way. As long as you're there with me. Ar- are you with me?'
relief washed over you knowing she wasn't mad and somehow you gathered up inside of you the strength to respond..
'I'm with you.'
She held up her pinky and interlocked it with yours before pulling them up to her face and giving them a light kiss and whispering 'always?'
'forever' you whispered in response.

After letting your hands sit calmly in one another for a few moments, the redhead tightened her grip and asked 'have you eaten today?'
you shook your head and she frowned slightly, and then stood up, lifting you off the ground as she did so. nat carried you into the kitchen of the deserted compound as everyone else was on a mission, she propped you up on the counter and kissed you shortly before turning to make some food.

[short time skip]

you were hungry, yes, but you didn't want to eat. nat had made your favourite pasta dish knowing it was a comfort food and as much as you wanted to yell and toss the plate, you were willing to try your best. for her. you sat beside eachother on the sofa and she waited patiently for you to finish what must have been at least half of the portion she gave you. she finished her own and gave you a comforting look as you grew increasingly anxious throughout the meal. moments later, natasha took your plate and hers and placed them on the table infront of you and reached out to hold both your hands. she looked into your e/c eyes and reassured you softly
'I am so, so proud of you y/n...
...Come here my sweet girl'
You rolled into her embrace and she held you tightly, drawing light patterns on your arm and combing her fingers through your hair until you were comfortable.
'I love you gorgeous girl, sleep well'
you relaxed into her even more and for the first time that evening a small smile spread across your face.
You knew this road was going to be long and you knew it definitely wasn't going to be easy. but you were doing it together which meant everything would be okay. Because it was you and Natasha. Always and forever.

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A/N: hii, sorry this is longer than normal and that this probably wasn't quite what anyone expected, I wasn't going to publish it as I mainly wrote it as a comfort for myself but i figured it could help anyone else struggling too just to hear her say what I know you need her to.
If anything written about here affects you and you want to talk about it in a safe space, without judgement please dm me, i hear you, i understand you and you will get through this

sending all my love always <33
-m