Crazy Over You

CHAPTER 51

JENNIE'S POV

My mother called me a monster, once

It was such a cliché, overused term, I ended up forgetting she had called me that

This was right after I killed him when I managed to hit him on the side of the head, causing him to stumble down like a great mountain collapsing into a pile of broken boulders and loose soil, and even as he was down, I rained upon him a thousand swings and a thousand blows, one after another, his skull concaving, breaking, his bright pink clumps of brain splattering across the carpet floor, my face, and my arms, while my friend took her last breath, gasping as more blood soaked the ground until she went silent, her eyes vacant as mine was as I continued to soil my father's shovel with his blood

It didn't make sense for her to call me a monster, for a monster had sharp teeth and claws, a body so large it frightened even the gods. A monster was hideous, outwardly or inwardly, a monster was wicked and cruel, manipulative and deceitful without reason, a monster was my father

What I did was justice. Revenge

But it was strange. People were afraid of monsters, it was natural, but my mother wasn't frightened nor did she scream in terror after what I'd done. I remembered relief, I remembered the acceptance that washed over her as she stared at her disfigured, deceased husband, almost as though she'd expected this to come, but hadn't known when until now. When she glanced at me and called me what lived beneath the bed and in the dark, as little children were often frightened off, it wasn't out of spite, disgust, or fear

It was a simple fact

But facts and truths were two separate concepts. A fact was concrete, it was real and irrefutable; truths were a matter of opinion, and they depended on perspective and belief. A person is a human--fact; a person is good--truth, but the same can go for bad, too

So truthfully, I was a monster, but it wasn't a fact

I am human

A loud ringing persisted for several days after Lisa had hit me with a frying pan. The pain had subsided once I woke up and I was restrained on a bed, black, leather ropes wrapped across my body, restricting my movements. It didn't alarm me, however. I was too tired to care

Empty

Whatever that meant

Coherent thoughts deemed impossible for a while, my head wrecked with fuzz and static. But sometimes I'd think of a brown-headed girl who got away. Dear Miyeon and her gangly crew of friends. They appeared in my mind once and soon after, vanished completely

After I shortly recovered, they put me back in my room. Tan room. My things were still there, books that Mr. Kim gave me, drawing pads, and puzzles. The last time I was here, they told me to leave my stuff behind, as though they expected me to come back. And they were right

"Well, you're quite early. It's only been about five months since you've left here" Mr. Kim had noted and pushed his glasses further up his nose. "What was it this time?"

And I had told him

The stick broke and the string snapped

I went back to my room after that

My best friends would frequently visit me, and offer me some food that didn't dull my tastebuds the more I ate it. They had expected this to happen--of course, they had--but rather than scold me as they always have, they appeared rather content with the outcome and that it wasn't as bad as they thought it would have happened

"Hey, maybe I can convince my dad to shorten your time here, again" Jisoo offered

"And lessen your punishment for assaulting that lady and cutting off her pinky or whatever. The usual" Chaeyoung added

Their constant insistence to help me had always puzzled me and it didn't matter what I had done. I've asked them, once, a long time ago, why they even bothered with me and they told me it was because we were best friends. That was when I began calling them my best friends, too

Soon after, everything went by in a blur. I may have gone to court, a distinct, woody smell still lingering in my clouded memory, and then ate something pretty good, perhaps Italian food

Other than that, it was a blank spot, a typical instance that occurred when it involved boring and redundant events

I do remember the aunt being there--alive and not so well. That was fine. Her missing pinky, for some odd reason, swarmed me with immense satisfaction

So now I was here, a resident in this dull, tan room, littered with few entertainments I could busy myself with

It was therapeutic, to say the least, and Jisoo and Chaeyoung visited me at least once every other week to keep me company

On the other hand, my mother only visited me once

Mother still loved me, she had told me so, but she was tired and disappointed

"You'll have to stay here a little longer than usual, sweetie" she informed and with a tender, sad look, she left because there was nothing more she could say to me

It should have bothered me, but it didn't

I was used to it.

A month has passed since then and the air acquired a slight chill as snow drifted gratefully from my window. It was peaceful, in a way--the solemn silence, the privacy, and with the minutes that passed, there was not a second that I wouldn't miss her

Lisa was always and will forever be on my mind, even if her presence no longer existed within my space. It's been ages since I've seen her, but I was patient to wait, no matter the length