I want to be in a better place
But I am stuck here
Laying here
I want to be a better person
But I look for a purpose
And everything seems pointless
Everyone wants me to be better
Adding bricks upon bricks to my shoulders
Now and then I remove the weight
But then five more take the place of one
I want to catch up
But I'm so behind
To rush means to fail
To fail means to be miserable
I want to be happy
I want to make good decisions
I want to be
The adult everyone wants me to be
Too focused on the who I need to be
I don't get to focus on who I am now
I just want to be in the present
But the future is a heavy burden
I haven't even arrived
Yet I'm already pinned
I didn't have a job
But I graduated school
And then I had no rent
But I entered college
And I got a job
But I had no car
But I was getting perfect attendance
And honors
I was doing so well
But there was always a lack
I graduated college
And so I had no job
I got one
But it didn't work out
And I had no car
I got a car
And then I had no license
I got my permit
But didn't get much practice
I got my license
Lacking all that practice
But I didn't have a job
...
I feel like I don't have a lot of things
But I have a lot of bricks on my shoulders
I want to progress but I'm so heavy
I never have time to celebrate what I get
If this is living then I hate being alive
But I don't want to not exist
I don't like this progression
Why cant my pace be slow
And still be successful at the same time
I try so hard to do this right
To be who I need to be
But I never feel enough
I want to be enough
But my enough is not their enough
And I want to be recognized
Everyday is a drag
A rush to get a job or a house
A rush to be an adult
At the end of the day
When despite my efforts
I accomplished nothing
I feel useless
Why cant I just do this right
Maybe if I didn't have these bricks
This wouldn't be so hard
This wouldn't feel so hard
Maybe if I had more support
It's be easier to hold these bricks
But I feel alone
The pressure is stronger
Than my current supports
I feel like
If I get too much extra complaints
I will collapse
We don't focus on success
We focus on the failed
The unobtained
I feel hesitant
I don't feel eager
I feel afraid
Of what the next expectation will be
I think at this point it's impossible
To just be the me
That paces in the way I'm meant to
YOU ARE READING
My Scribble Thoughts
PoetryMy second official series of poems, starting from My Frozen Heart. Sometimes we all can't think clearly. Sometimes we all don't have the ability to organize the cluster of words and scribbled thoughts in our head. I'm here to try and do it for you...
