Not your Romeo

Chapter 14

"I need to take a walk", I say after finishing my dinner. Today has been a terrible day for me. Derek called me a bitch after having his most intimate moments with me. Ok... he has had his moments so many times before. I was so dumb for even thinking that Derek has become a good guy. After all, he just helped me with my shirt and nothing else. He would have done it for anyone in my place. He is toxic and nothing can change that.

I need some fresh air to breathe and luckily our apartment is located in a calm residential area with no noise and traffic. As I walk aimlessly on the quiet streets, the thought of spending my weekend alone in the apartment makes me whine. Aby and Josh will be out during the entire weekend and I have no other choice, but to stay alone. 

Isha has however invited me to her house. I wonder why does Derek fear at the thought of having someone at his house. If I tell him that I have not dropped my plan of coming to his house, then he will end up spending his entire weekend in Manhattan. Isha and I will never want that to happen. Talking to Isha felt like home. She loves her brother a lot, but there is still a void between them.

My thoughts are scattered when I hear a male voice scream, "Fuck!" I look up to find a small group of four boys quarrelling with each other at the far end of the block. The quiet streets makes it easier for me to hear them. A tall guy moves slightly and my eyes widen, right behind him stands Derek wearing a black jacket. I walk closer towards them and try to hear their conversation.

"I am not fucking giving it to you", a boy wearing a cardigan groans. He is holding a small white packet in his hand and Derek is trying to snatch it. But the boy, holds it up even higher.

"Its only a fucking heroine!", Derek yells at the boy and pushes his hair off his forehead. I am frozen in my spot. I knew Derek smokes but now it is revealed that he is also into drugs. I should not be around such guys and I know it. Derek is beyond worse and toxic.

The boys slowly parts their ways and leaves the block. Derek is looking at the sky in frustration. I need to talk to him or else it will be too late to bring him out of this addiction. I shouldn't be bothered about him so much. He is no one to me and if there is anything between us, then it is pure lust and not love.

Derek's eyes widen when I walk towards him. He looks down at me and slightly opens his mouth. He is surprised to see me here and I can tell it by the look on his face.

"What the fuck are you doing here!?", Derek yells at me. Its so irritating to see that Derek cannot speak with a straight face. He is always yelling and abusing.

"I am here to meet a drug dealer", I say crossing my arms over my chest. Only sarcasm can work with Derek. You cant tell him anything straight that he will understand without screaming or abusing. 

"What is your problem!? Why are you always around me!? Just because we kissed each other and had sex doesn't mean I am interested in you. Don't come to me like a lost puppy every time", Derek spits. I try hard to control my tears. I hate being emotional, but Derek has this super talent that he can break anyone by his words, emotionally.

"This is my area and you are no one to talk to me like this. Weren't you supposed to be in Manhattan with your family? What are you doing here? Practically begging for a sash of heroine!?", I yell at Derek. I need to make him understand that not only he gets to yell at others. He need to know the pain and anger you get when someone screams at you even without a reason.

"I live with my friend Nick in his apartment. Its just two miles away from your block. I don't go home often and drugs are an escape from the reality", Derek slurs and I can tell that he is drunk. I want to hate him, but I cant. There is so much pain in his eyes and my heart aches each time when I see him so helpless. Derek has everything. He has looks, popularity, money and also a good family. There are people around who doesn't get to eat meals everyday, who sleeps on the streets, who has no love in their life, no parents, no money, no clothes and are battling with some very dangerous diseases. Compared to them, I don't think Derek has any bigger problems in his life.

Meanwhile a white corolla stops in front of us. A boy with black hair pulls down the window and waves at Derek. I suppose he is Nick. Derek quickly climbs into the passenger seat and leaves. 

The more I try to understand Derek, the more he becomes worse. Why does he want to escape reality? He has such a beautiful and supportive sister and what else do you need rather than love?

I walk my way back to the apartment. Aby and Josh are watching 'Friends' , when I enter the apartment. I gather all my books together for tomorrow. 

"I saw what happened today at the basketball court. Nobody ever thought Derek would do something like that. But I can see that he cares for you and Derek doesn't care for anyone", Aby says standing near the doorway. I look at her and she smiles. Only if Aby knew the after scenes.

"Look Jazz.. you can do anything with Derek, but just don't fall in love with him. He is not someone who will return your love. Loving him is like hating yourself. Today when I saw him taking a stand for you and leaving his favorite game for your sake, I felt the need to warn you about it", Aby says walking towards me.

I don't understand a word, but I assure Aby by nodding and giving her my best smile. She pulls me into a warm hug and leaves the room. Aby's words makes me worry more. I know she is right. He will never return my love because he despises me and Derek is not someone with whom I can fall in love with.