Sam and Deena B.S.F (Before Sarah Fier)

Sam Fraser Part 10

The Martinson's a few blocks down from my house had asked me to babysit their two kids while they went out Christmas shopping. I have had a free schedule and thought going out of the house even if it was just a few blocks away would be good for me. They were all right kids, well behaved, good mannered. After a few hours their parents came home and I left while it was snowing pretty hard.

"I can drive you home." Mrs. Martinson said to me while I was putting my coat on.

"It's just a ten minute walk, I should be fine. Thank you for the offer, though" I said. I say my goodbyes and walk out into the cold darkness.

Two minutes into the walk I wanted to turn back and ask for that ride again. It was so cold, my hands in my pockets were still trembling. I powered through and got home, almost frozen.

I walked in, immediately thawing once the heater blew towards me and the warm air graciously greeted me. As I take off my scarf, I look up to my parents both on the floor, with their heads in their hands. They look like they've been like this for hours.

"Mom, Dad?" My voice particularly high. They don't even look up to see me.

"Go to your room. Please." Mom said, her voice strong but light.

"But why-"

Mom looks up at me, she's pale and her eyes are red.

"Mom, what happened?"

"Samantha! NOW!" She said so furiously. I just got home. How can she be mad at me? I swallow hard and dry and slam the front door, putting my scarf back on.

I hear Mom shout my name again as I walk to the sidewalk, the snow crunching below louder than my mom as I keep walking. I don't know where I'm going, how long I'll be gone, but I want to be as far away from home as my legs will take me. 

I forget I'm walking after a while. I don't remember how long ago I left home. I looked up to see the street names, but the snow covered them up. I can't stop thinking about how Mom and Dad looked. I've never seen them look so defeated with each other, it's always them yelling or not talking at all, but they looked so tired. Like they were just sick of fighting. They must be exhausted. I am too, all this walking. I sit on the curb under a street lamp. I need to breathe and just let my mind rest.

I find myself remembering from months back how excited I was to spend winter with Deena. How wonderful it would be to be with her on Christmas Eve, snuggled under warm blankets and soft pillows, and Deena resting on my head and I resting on hers as we read short stories aloud to each other, while it snowed outside but we didn't notice because we were too focused on us and how right it felt. Everything with Deena felt right. Up until our fight, even what she said, how hurtful it was, no matter if it were true or not, it stayed true to Deena and how she is just as a person. I don't know why I was so surprised by her hurtful words, I don't know why I thought I was an exception in Deena's world. I thought since I was so special to her, I thought since she cared about me, I thought maybe she even loved me too, she would be different, but I have never been so wrong. How could I expect so much from a person so broken?

...

I wake up to flashing red lights. A police cruiser is parked in front of me. I blink as the window rolls down, and an officer leans over the passengers' seat to get a look at me.

"Hey, you okay there?" The officer calls out to me. I stand, my legs frozen solid. I hunch over trying to catch my step.

"You need a hand?" The voice continues.

"No, no, I'm fine, just lost my balance." I shiver, realizing how cold I am.

"What are you doing out here out in the cold. Are you lost?"