WATERCOLOR || Complete

Sixteen

Jisung was curled up hiding in bed wanting to disappear from the world. He avoid Changbin all week, he avoided everyone all week. He didn't know whether Changbin told the others or not, but he stayed away from everyone and hiding in places he never usually did. He knew Changbin would try looking for him in the art room, so he didn't go there. He wanted to use the gym but he knew that could be where cHan and Hyunjin would be. He decided to hide under the stairs in the farthest possible corner where no one who passed would see him. He did this all week. He couldn't believe he actually ended something that had hardly began. He was scared. He was scared when Changbin would go to university he would be forgotten. So in order to protect himself he did it first. He didn't want to be the reason he was held back.

What Changbin didn't know was his father came searching for the younger. He was furious his son was willing to give up everything for the other. He threatened Jisung.

"Changbin is going to the best univeristy in Korea, and he is stuck contemplating his life right now because you interfered. He was perfectly fine!"

The words ate at Jisung. He sat in the coffee shop holding in every ounce of tears that threatened to fall.

"You're ruining his future. He was to take the scholarship for athletics and continue majoring in business! But you got it in his head. I suggest you get yourself sorted out. He doesn't need someone like you tainting his life." His father splashed water against Jisungs already cold body. He took the abuse because he knew it was true.

He knew he was the reason for everyones saddness. His parents passed away because of him. Casey probably views him as a burden, He was ruining Changbins future. These exact thoughts trickles into his mind. He tried burying himself further into the bed. He wanted to suffocate himself so he wouldn't ever wake up... He didn't want to have friends anymore. He didn'y want Chan to see how low he had become. He didn't want to lose Changbin... He simply wished he could live his life normally.

He had talked to Casey, he thought maybe traveling continent was a good idea. She thought it was but she worried for him being alone. She couldn't go because she was teaching summer classes. She asked about Changbin but he simply said he was busy.

Jisung groaned trying to push himself out of bed. Letting his blanket fall off his shoulders and stared around at the dull pigmented room. It lost its color. The pictures taken down and hiding under his bed. The only thing you see on his walls were hole marks from the screws and pins that held the artwork. Jisung hadn't touched his materials or mediums since their last class. His world started becoming dull. No vibrant colors that slashed his world, it was washed out.

Jisung continued staring around his room when he found his suitcase partially packed. He was leaving at 2am tomorrow. He sighed sluggishly pulling himself off the bed, to the closet. Grabbing a few more things.

He heard a knock on his door but refused to answer it. They knocked again, and it somehow irriated him. He knew his aunt would have just walked in.

"Go away!" He yelled out. "Sung?" Knocking on the door once again. Jisung couldn't be bothered so he found his headphones blarring it to drown out the voice on the other side. He could vividly hear the door being pushed and banged on.

"Sung, lets talk please. Don't make me break this door down!"

He rolled his eyes, continueing to pack. His heart beat was racing. He didn't want anyone to stop him from leaving. He didn't want anyone to tell him to talk to Changbin, not after what his father said. It broke him and it was his main reason of breaking up.

Jisung jumped when he heard the door snap. Pulling his headphones off Chan stood at the doorway, the handle broken amd he stood there.

"Yeah! You crazy!" Jisung snapped out loudly. Chan rolled his eyes, before observing the room.

"So thats it?! You're actually leaving and weren't telling any of us that you and Changbin broke up. Hes fucking falling apart Jisung. This isn't you." Chan blurted out dropping the handle.

"It doesn't matter. Get out Chan!"

"Thats Chan-Hyung to you Jisung-ssi" he started speaking more formal to prove to the younger he was deadly serious.

"Leave me alone. You didn't care ever what i did and suddenly you do now. Let it go." Jisung snapped back.

"When it involves Changbin it does."

Jisung scoffed at his cousins words. Of course its about him.

"Look Chan-Hyung. I have my reasons and I don't have to explain to you. It wasn't easy for me either, so back off damn it." Jisung used his lower register to come off as aggressive and he threw his headphones back on and zipped up his bag.

Chan pulled the headphones of his cousins head forcing him to look at him.

"Don't give me this shit Jisung. You love Changbin, so why did you do it?"

Jisung kept silent, not sure what to say when the older keeps prodding him for answers. He swallowed thickly knowing these few words were going to hurt not only himself, but to Chan and Changbin.

"Because I fell out of it, because I hate love, I hate people, and I hate myself for thinking I could change. Does that answer your fucking question now?" Jisung pulled away.

"Jisung..."

"Now if you don't mind, I need to pack. You can see yourself out as you let yourself in." Jisung snapped, taking his suitcase and taking it out of his room. Placing it down at the stairs before heading to the bathroom to collect his abolutions; toothpaste, brush, creams. He didn't forget to slam the door of the bathroom either making it clear, that this conversation was done. He slid down the door biting his arm to keep the sobs quiet. He couldn't afford to break down now. But his heart was shattering into smaller pieces. He pierced his skin allowing small droplets of blood to fall to the floor. His tears mixing into the blood as it dripped off his cheeks. His scream was silent as he tried to keep himself quiet.

He didn't want this. He didn't want to hurt anyone and so his resolve was to hurt himself. It was better then hurting others around him. He stayed in the washroom for what felt like hours but was really a few minutes and carefully cleaned himself up. Putting a bandaid on his arm. Rinsing his face of the dried tears and wiping the blood that was on the floor. Silently opening the bathroom the house was silent. He opened the door wider heading to the bedroom to see Chan was no longer there. It was too quiet. The silence, leaving Jisung in his own mind as he dropped to his knees again and began crying out desperately.

This was his doing. He shouldn't be crying but he was. He deserved it.

So you do feel guilt...

Jisungs eyes closed tightly as he heard the words. He was so scared to see him, the one he has avoided this entire time for the last week. But it was a simple mirage. No one was there. Just his voice.

Get your shit together, and think of whats right for Changbin.

He misses you...

No he doesn't...he is greatful that you ended it.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Jisung whimpered out holding his ears trying to drown his words that were voicing through his mind.

"Its better this way..."

Jisung had no more tears to let fall. The voices finally stopping and nothing but silence filled the air. He looked at his one painting, that the canvas cover fell off of. There was no smile, no emotion, but seeing the eyes of the one he was painting.

The black, greys, blues, browns the pigments of skintones. The sheepish smile.

I'm sorry....