Toxic: A Rafe Cameron Story

4.

"Cass, how about another drink." Topper says and I nod.

Topper and I occasionally get along. Usually when we are both drinking we are able to have a half sensible conversation.

"Yeah fill me up." I say and hand him my cup. He leaves me standing alone for a moment to fill our cups and I look around. Rafe haven't come handy to me tonight and I'm glad.

"Here you go." He says and I take the cup from him. The cold beer rushing down my throat feels like heaven.

"Where's Rafe?" I ask. I stop and think why the hell I just asked that. Topper furrows his eyebrows, also confused.

"Not sure, probably with Susie... why?" He asks.

"Ah no reason, he's just usually with you." I shrug.

"He's coming this way now but the looks of things." He says and I turn around. He's walking in our direction with his arm wrapped tightly around Susie's waist.

"The fuck are you doing here." Rafe says and I shoot him a glare.

"Same thing you're doing." I reply. I take another sip of my beer and stare into Rafe's soul. His eyes are burning into mine and I can't help but feel my face heat up. I move my eyes to Susie who's also staring at me, but not like the way Rafe was.

"Get lost pogue." Susie says and I smile.

"Fuck you Susie, you two can leave, I'm trying to talk to Topper here." I say and turn to where Topper was standing but he's gone.

"Looks like he doesn't want to talk to you either." Susie says and I roll my eyes.

I look at Rafe again and he holds his stare. I furrow my eyebrows slightly.

"Did you hear me? Leave." Susie says.

I push past them and let the words "fucking bitch" slip from my mouth.

Susie turns around and yanks me by the hair.

"Let go of me psycho" I say and rip her hands out of my hair.

"What did you just call me?" She says coming close to my face.

"I said, fucking bitch." I say, moving an inch closer to her face. We hold a long glare before she pushes me down on the sand. Before I get a chance to stand up she sits on top of me and pulls my hair. I roll us both over and smash my fist right into her face.

"Hey hey!" I hear JJ yelling from a distance.

I feel my body being lifted off Susie, I kick my feet, wanting to give her another smack. She rolls around in the sand with her hands covering her face.

"Let her go!" John B says and I'm immediately dropped on my feet again.

"What the fuck Cassie!" Rafe yells in my face. He must have been the one who yanked me off Susie.

"Cass are you okay?" Kie asks running to my side.

"I'm fine." I say and truly mean it. Hair pulling? The fuck was that?

Rafe's breathing becomes heavier as he walks around in circles with his hands on his head. I know this behaviour, he only acted this way when he was doing coke.

"Cassie what the fuck." Rafe says again. "Why did you do that!"

"Why does it matter, it's not like you actually care about her." I say.

"Jesus Cassie just go back to your fucking place, nobody wants you here anyway!" Rafe yells, catching more attention from people.

"Calm down Rafe." Sarah says and his eyes widen a little.

I try to remember that he probably doesn't even know what he's saying right now, but his words did hurt a little. No matter how much he hates me, he knows that I've always had trouble with people liking me and wanting to be friends. I'm lucky I have who I have. Sure people want to sleep with me but that's not the same.

"Rafe I think you're the one who should go home." Sarah says.

"No, I'll go." I say and start walking away from the crowd.

"Cass!" Kie yells.

"I'm fine Kie." I shout back.

I stagger back to my place. I really shouldn't be walking the streets alone but I don't even care what happens to me at this point. I can't believe I punched Susie in the face, but she definitely deserved it.

I think about Rafe's words. It bothers me how much he can hurt my feelings and not even care, but that's the way it's always been. We are always down each other's throat and I don't think that will ever change.

***

I wake up to the sun shining through the porch door. I look around the house and it feels empty, Kie mustn't have came home last night because I have multiple texts from her making sure I got home safe.

I never even made it to my bed, I follow a trail of clothes from the couch to the door that I never even shut last night.

I immediately walk to the kitchen to swallow a couple Advil. I chase it with a cold glass of water and lean on the counter. Three nights in a row is my limit. The third day I always end up with a pounding headache and no energy to be alive.

My phone rings and the sound goes right through my body.

"Hello." I say.

"Oh she's grumpy this morning boys." JJ says through the phone.

"What do you want." I ask.

"Come to Sarah's" He says.

"I just woke up. I have to shower and eat. I'll see how I'm feeling after." I say and hang up the phone. I don't feel like arguing with him right now.

After my breakfast I decide to hop in the shower. The hot water makes me feel dizzy but I fight through it until I almost fall out of the bathtub.

I think hard about whether I should head to Sarah's place. If I don't go there I will just be stuck here all day by myself, I have no other friends.

My mind says fuck it and I dress myself in black ripped shorts and a green cropped tank top. I tie up my converse and head to Sarah's on my bike.

***

"How about a movie night?" Kie suggests as we all sit around the living room trying to think of an idea to do tonight that doesn't involve alcohol.

"Sounds good." JJ responds and everybody nods along.

"Rafe is having some people over but they shouldn't bother us."

Great. When I'm out, he's out, when I'm here, he's here. I can't catch a break.

"Sounds like they are already here." John B says. Some of us look to the door and listen to their cars pulling up outside.

Laughter fills the room, I recognize Toppers and Kelce's but there are a couple girls amongst it.

"Rafe is upstairs." Sarah says to the group as they walk past.

I watch as each of them walk by, Randi, Josie and Susie follow behind Topper. Susie and I catch each other's eye and I can't help but feel a little bad when I see the bruise I left on her face.

"You really hit her good." JJ laughs and I wear a fake smile.

My stomach turns, and I'm not sure if it's the beer from the last three nights, or the thought of Susie being upstairs with Rafe.