What Could've Been Us l EDITING

sixteen

C H A N T E L L E

I tried to steady my breathing as he held me close to his body. He hugged me tighter, and I hugged him back.

Without thinking, I intertwine our fingers together. I feel electric shivers go through my body as he rubs the back of my hand with his thumb.

A sob escapes my lips and I clung harder onto him. His rough hands run through my hair in a comforting manner.

I cry harder.

My dad used to run his hands in my hair the same way when I had my nightmares.

Just the thought of him makes more hot tears stream my cheeks.

"I can't breathe, Matt." I choke out. I let out another sob.

"Try to follow my breathing. Can you do that for me, love?" He whispered into my ear.

I press my head more into his chest and try to match his breathing. He inhaled, I exhaled. We did that a couple more times, and it seemed to work.

I calm down a bit, and he plants a kiss on my forehead.

We stay in our position, both of us not speaking a word. The silence spoke for us. It was comforting. Being held, knowing someone was there for you felt amazing.

"Speak to me, Elle," He brings his finger up to my chin, so I can look at him. "What's wrong?"

I drop my gaze down, feeling embarrassed. I feel more tears well up at the brim of my eyes. "I-" I start to speak, but I stop.

I'm scared to open up.

I squeeze my eyes shut, stopping the teardrops that are willing to fall. I nuzzle my head into his neck.

I'm so disappointed in myself. I was supposed to keep my guard up, but would you look at that. I'm crying my life out in Mattias's arms.

I always make sure to give the impression that I'm tough and that I don't give a shit. However, I'm not tough, and I do care.

I care what people think about me. The little gestures, the words. Even the way that people act around me affects me.

My problem is that I overthink a lot. I always take people's words and actions into deep consideration. I analyze everything.

"I'm sorry," I say, my voice just above a whisper.

"Why are you apologizing?" He whispers back. I shrug my shoulders, and he looks at me with a tender expression.

"I'm so disappointed in myself. This job was the only thing that was keeping my life together. And now it's gone. I love Sage with all my heart, she's my best friend, but I feel like she just ruined this for me." I try to keep the tears at bay, but I can't. They start falling down my dried cheeks. I feel like I've been crying a lot.

"Elle, you didn't lose your job. My father never said he fired you. He just was riled up, that's all."

"You should've seen his face, he looked so angry and upset. By the way, he was staring at me, I thought daggers were going to shoot through his eyes!" I exclaim.