What Could've Been Us l EDITING

twenty three

(play the song on top when you see *)

TW: mentions of self-harm

M A T T I A S

Holy fucking shit. I am falling for Chantelle Clark. And to think I told myself and everyone I didn't do relationships.

Until I met her.

I don't even know how I've reached this conclusion. One minute I was wishing I would die when I was besides her, and the next, my cheeks would heat up each time she made contact with me.

I sound so corny, though it's the truth. I never, ever, considered dating someone until Chantelle showed up.

We haven't really spent a lot of time together, yet I still get excited each time I see her. I have this needy feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me: "you have to get to know this girl."

It's weird to think that she's only been working with me for only 3 months, and she already has such an effect on me. I could stare at her for hours. I could listen to her speak forever. I'd never get bored with Chantelle. Never.

I don't know what I'd do without her snarky remarks and sarcastic humour. I knew as soon as she mocked me at the interview that she was something else. I'm assuming she gets it from her friend Sage.

I can't help but chuckle. I adore the way she is protective over Elle. Even though she looks younger than her by a year or two.

"Mattie, why are you laughing." She shakes my shoulder, snapping me out of my trance.

"New nickname?" I ask, amused.

"Yes. I'm getting tired of Matt, so your new name is Mattie." She pauses for a moment before she gasps, "Like Matty B raps! I'm so smart."

"Who is Matty B raps?" I feel so behind on all of these things. I spent most of my time studying, playing soccer, or pleasing my dad.

"The knockoff Justin Bieber? You don't know him?" She looks at me as if I'm an alien. I shake my head in response, and her mouth drops.

"When this thing is done, we're going home and listening to all of his songs." Another thing I love about her. She knows what she wants.

If you asked me what I like about Chantelle the most, I wouldn't be able to answer you. She is perfect inside and out. No one compares to her. Absolutely nobody.

Yeah, it's official, I'm obsessed.

You can't blame me, you would be obsessed too.

I quietly listen to my mother and Chantelle talk. They got along really well. Who wouldn't like my mom? She's the type of person that when she smiles, you instantly smile back.

She was always happy and positive. Somehow, my mom always made people feel welcomed and cared for.

My sister Aisha was exactly like her. When she passed, it was like everything fell apart. Our family, me. She was the glue that was holding us together. And once she left, we broke.

My father likes to remind me daily that it was my fault. He's not wrong, it is my fault.

My friends had invited me to a party. My parents wouldn't let me go unless Aisha tagged along.

She told me she didn't want to go, mainly because she was a sophomore in college, and it would be weird for her to show up to a high school party.

I begged and begged for her to come with me until she said yes on the condition that I drove.