Wolfstar Oneshots

I shouldn't have done that

Ok so i'm a little fed up with some of the characterisations of Remus and how people are portraying him as really soft and pathetic, I know i can sometimes fall guilty of it myself. So for this story I've made a conscious effort to go in a different direction, not a crazy amount but a bit. Also in case anyone was wondering, I am a proud member of the 'Sirius fell first club'.

"Ugh James!" Sirius groaned into his pillow, "why is he so hot?"

"Will you shut up for three seconds about that!" James replied, rolling his eyes and banging his head against the book he was holding. "Look, why don't you just ask him out already?"

"James, he probably doesn't even like guys"

James had been listening to his friend moan day in and day out, it was Remus this and Remus that. I mean he loved Sirius but enough was enough something had to be done. "Well you never know?" he was scrambling, he knew that. But, if just trying to ask him out would make Sirius happier, then what were the downsides.

Soon after, Peter and Remus came stumbling in laughing and holding the map. "What'd you get up to?" James asked, that familiar look of mischief gleaming in his eyes.

"Let's just say we figured out Snivellous is scared of spiders, " Peter chuckled through fits of hysterics. Then, the two of them collapsed onto their respective beds, Wormtail reaching for a box or bertie botts every flavour beans and Remus for the daily prophet. Siphoning through it with a look of nonchalance and mild underlying disgust.

They spent the rest of the afternoon as any slightly arrogant young wizards would. But as they interacted, as James and Remus bonded over a joke, as Peter offered round his sweets, Sirius couldn't help but study Remus a little. The way his veiny hands turned the pages, the small smile that tugged at the corner of his upper lip, the golden flecks in his warm brown eyes, and especially his scars which danced elegantly across his skin, twisting and winding to make a beautiful pattern Sirius could spend his whole life studying. 

Oh bugger! James was so right, Sirius was totally, utterly, head over heels obsessed with Remus Lupin. It probably wasn't even fair to keep it from him at this point. That was it, Sirius was going to tell him! But he should probably talk to Lily first, ya know to just check up on her opinions.

So that's why the next morning, an anxious Sirius black was stumbling over his words while talking to a confused Lily Evans, who was eating a cinnamon roll.  "Wait, what are you asking me?"

"Well since you and Remus are close, I'd figure you know all his past and present crushes. What are they?" Sirius demanded while trying to sound as friendly as possible.

"It's not really my place to say....Plus i'm sure he's not told me all of them"

"Ok ok fair, but could you at least give me some direction like; what house are they generally" Sirius then continued a lot quieter and faster, "what gender?"

Nevertheless Lily caught what he said, "oh my god do you?! Oh my, you do! Oh honey I really wish I could tell you but I have no idea' she frowned, racking her memory for any clue, yet nothing came to her. Disappointed and still clueless, Sirius started to brainstorm ideas of how to tell Remus.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It was two days of agonising pining before Sirius found the perfect moment. They were sitting alone on the windowsill of the dorm one warm Saturday evening. The sunset was coloring the room with warm oranges. To put it simply, it was perfect. His breath caught in his throat, as Sirius tried to find the right words, the right words to tell Remus just how much he meant to him. Just how... Just how... see even I can't find the words.

Remus exhaled smoke from his cigarette and passed it to Sirius, who took a drag, basking in how it made his mind fussy, gave him a break from his thoughts. Nervously, he shuffled closer to Remus who didn't react, which he took as a good sign. With a mental fuck it, Sirius leant in and very quickly, kissed remus. It was over in a second, but almost immediately after Remus also leant in and kissed back. It felt like magic to Sirius, like he was floating on clouds, but when Remus finally pulled away he looked like he felt sick.

"I'm... I'm not....like that." with only 5 words, Remus managed to break Sirius' heart in two.

(I wonder if any of you can guess where i got my inspiration for that scene from)

"Oh yeah right of course, yeah"

"Right i'll just go then"

"Uh yep"

Remus gave him the king of awkward smiles, and walked out the door, leaving Sirius to wallow in his own self pity. Once the door had clicked shut, Sirius let a few tears escape, as a wave of sorrow washed over him. If rejection is bad, imagine being rejected by your best friend, who you'll have to spend at least the next 2 years with. And the worst part? Sirius couldn't even be mad at him, Remus can't control his sexuality. All of that topped with how Sirius would still love him for the foreseeable future. Today was a really, really bad day.

Silently, Sirius crept into his bed and shut the curtains. Allowing the darkness to envelop him. Outside, Remus wasn't having much of a better time of it. He hated hurting Sirius, he hated awkwardness, he hated everything that had just happened and he hated how he couldn't stop replaying the kiss over and over in his head.

Remus went and sat in the secluded area of the castle he had found in first year. It was a small stone room with a tall window and a ledge to sit on. It was cold and damp but no one came in so it was just right. Sitting there he lay his head in his hands. Everything would be different now, and everything sounded be shit. He punched the wall beside him in frustration (insert toxic by britney spears) and when he looked back at his hand it was red and covered in small cuts. He lit up another cigarette and smoked it, looking over the view. Lily had told him many times that those things would kill him, but right now that didn't seem so bad.

Two men, feeling different emotions, in different places, with different backgrounds and yet... still united.

Hey, sorry it's been so long since the last update. My motivation has been a bit down lately. Also I kinda hate this story and don't think I achieved my goal at all. But let me know what you guys think.