In love with my best friend

Chapter 9

Namjoon's POV

'Shit! I can't believe I just left her like that.'  I turn around to knock on her door. 'But what will I say to her?' I curl my fingers into a fist and stop myself.

I lean on the wall right next to her door, hoping the door would decide the next step for me. "Hope, I'm so sorry." I whisper.

I slide down the wall and sit down. I bring my knees close to my body and hold my head. 'Everything with Hope has always felt so normal. Even having sex with her... felt like a normal thing to do. She is a huge part of my life. She is my home.'

'She's my family out of my family but do I love her?'

'Of course, I love her. I will always love her. But it's not the romantic kind of love. She is the platonic love of my life.'

'Hope confessing to me complicates everything. It is not like we can pretend it never happened. It's out there. I know it now. Do I just tell her everything and let her down easy?'

'I don't want to break her heart but I don't want to pretend and hurt her more in the long run.'

"Tell me what to do, Hope?"

'I want you to love me, Joonie. I want you to choose me. I want you to pick me.'  Her voice echoes in my head.

'If only I had feelings for you, all of this would have been easier. All I ever wanted is for you to be happy. And now, I'm the one who is causing you pain. I wish, I can change that.'

'I still remember the first time I saw her. She doesn't remember this but the first time we met was in nursery. She was always the shy, quiet girl who played with building blocks. She loved story time. Her eyes always lit up when the teacher read out a story.' I let out a chuckle remembering lil Hope.

'We met again in middle school and I was determined to be friends with her. She used to get bullied by the girls in our class. They did not hurt her physically but kept being mean to her. Occasionally, they shoved her. I stepped in between so I could be her friend.'

I smile, remembering the times I saved her. 'Protecting her is like breathing. It's the most natural thing to do.'

'She's such a bad actor. I could tell she was not convinced that I wanted to be friends with her. I'm not sure when she accepted me as a friend. I just knew, she did.' 

My smile drops. 'Maybe she's not a bad actor, after all. She hid her feelings all these years. I thought, I was very good at reading her. How did I miss it?'

I sigh in frustration. 'Thinking about the past is not going to help me with how to handle this.'

I come back to my room and drink a glass of water. Her words keep replaying in my head. I settle into my bed.

'This time, I won't be able to protect you, Hopes!'  This is my last thought before sleep takes over.

                             *******

"Do you guys know where Hope is?" Taehyung asks.

Sudden fright takes over me at his question. "What do you mean? She'll be in her room."

Jimin rolls his eyes. "He wouldn't be asking if she was in her room."

Taehyung nods.

"Oh! I just remembered. She messaged me earlier. She left early." Hoseok chimes in.