In love with my best friend

Chapter 10

I wake up to the sound of the birds chirping, cheerfully. "Argh! Why do the birds have to be so happy? Why is the day not as gloomy as I feel?"

I lie in bed and think about the things I told Joonie, last night. 'I sounded so desperate.'

'Well, I was desperate. I was afraid. I felt him slip right through my fingers.'

I close my eyes and cover them with my palms. 'I don't want to see him. Not yet. It's too soon.'

I walk into my bathroom to do my morning business. Half an hour later, I walk out of my bathroom in my towel. I look at myself in the mirror. "Listen girl, honestly, it's his loss." I let out a deep sigh. "Who are we kidding? It's both his loss and mine. Things will get so awkward now. It's all because of the guys."

'I can't put the entire blame on the guys.' "Fine!"

A few seconds later, my eyes lit up. "I've an idea! I'm just going to pretend like last night never happened." I tell my reflection.

"Aw Hope! You're brilliant. If last night never happened, there will be no awkwardness."

'How feasible is this idea, though?'

"I don't care. It's my coping mechanism, now get on board, Brain!"

'Aye Sir!'

                         *******

'Despite my fool-proof strategy, I didn't want to see him today. I left my room early and came to the library under the pretext of completing my OB assignment.'

'It is true. I, really, have to complete it. The problem is FOCUS! I cannot concentrate. I keep thinking about last night.'

"Okay, here's what we'll do. I finish it in peace, without thinking about Namjoon. After I'm done, I'll think about last night. Hey, let's analyse everything to its minutest detail but please let me finish this, quickly."

"Deal!" My inner voice 1 says.

"Fair enough." My inner voice 2 says.

The next 45 minutes or so, I put my mind into finishing the damn assignment. "Done!"

'So Namjoon...'

"You didn't even wait a second." I roll my eyes and give into my thoughts.

'Two of the strongest emotions I'm feeling right now are anger and disappointment.'

'Like, honestly, if he had said something like, "Look Hope, I don't have similar feelings for you. I'm sorry." I think, I would have felt better. I'd still be hurt but I'd feel better.'

'C'mon Hope! Be fair. He didn't know. You've had years to deal with it. You just dumped it all on him, suddenly. He needs time to process it.'

'Hey, I need to be irrationally angry, right now. I can't be his accuser and his defender at the same time. I know, I will, eventually, take his side but for now I want to take mine.'

'I swear, it's always the smart guys who are the dumbest when it come to the matters of the heart.' I sigh, heavily.

'Joonie must be having breakfast with her. I wish, he'd look at me the way he looks at her.'

'No, we are not doing this, right now. No, self pity. Half the population in this college is the opposite gender. I'm sure some of them are hot. I should check some out.

'None as hot as my Namjoon.'

'Wait! Did I just say "My Namjoon"?'