Poles Apart

Chapter Fifty-Five

Arvi

"I'm sorry," Arjun whispers urgently, wrapping himself around me and kissing my hair before resting his chin over my head, keeping me close to himself.

"I didn't think I'd hurt you like that, Arvi. I'm so sorry," he repeats, and I chuckle, taken over by the unfamiliarity of this part of Arjun. I still remember, I'd had to threaten to throw him out of the car to apologise, and here he is now, apologising because I asked. If I hope that one day he'll apologise as soon as he realises his mistake, it's not too far-fetched, is it?

"What's wrong?" he asks, pulling back to look at my face.

I wipe the tears off my face and look at him, observing his concerned expression. He probably thinks I've gone nuts by now; raging at him in one moment, crying the next and laughing now.

I shake my head. "Just— you're apologising without me having to threaten you," I point out.

Arjun looks confused for a slight moment. "I wanted to apologise to you back at your parents house," he says, realising what I meant. "But—" he breaks into a sigh— "I didn't know how— you were crying."

"I was not crying," I interject firmly.

Arjun eyes me with perplexity, as though he doesn't understand where I am coming from. I did not cry. I was not crying. I don't cry. Lies.

"Lying is not your niche," he says, as though confirming something.

I glare at him. "No one asked for your opinion. I have no need to lie and make it my speciality."

Arjun closes his eyes for a moment, not saying anything, and I wonder if I said something I shouldn't have, but before I can say anything, he opens his eyes, breathing out slowly, as though calming himself. "I hate to see you cry," he whispers. "I feel helpless, it makes me angry at myself because I can't do anything for you at that moment, I hate seeing you cry, it makes me feel worthless."

"Arjun..." I start, but he shakes his head, discouraging me from saying anything.

"Do you remember that time in the penthouse? I said I would never make you cry, and you said it's not possible; you implied that people hurt each other. And I promised myself on that day that I would never be the reason for your tears," he says. "It's all I wanted to do. I feel incapable when you cry, Arvi. I didn't ever want you to cry, and certainly not because of me.

"When I brought you here after the wedding, I felt like I'd already broken my promise. And then, today," he breathes out, distraught. "I didn't think I'd hurt you like that by taking you to your parents' house. I thought you'd be angry," he admits. "But I hurt you, and I can't do anything about it now, except to say sorry, but please, please let me in, baby."

"Arjun." My voice quivers embarrassingly. "I have let you in, there's nothing I wouldn't talk to you about, nothing I wouldn't tell you," I wipe away the tears forming at the corners of my eyes, not wanting to cry, but also unable to help myself.

"Except about your parents?" Arjun questions, blankly. "They're an exception?"

I sigh, not knowing where to start, or how to start. How can I explain this to him?

"I can't talk about them," I stress, trying to make him understand. "It's not a matter of volition, it's a matter of ability. I'm not able to talk about them without breaking down into a mess. And even then, I can't say two bad things about them without beating myself up. My relationship with my parents and how I feel about it is complicated only because I make it so, and I know it, but I can't change it, Arjun."