FLAWLESS - J. MAYBANK

xxii. special

The funeral came sooner that everyone wished. JJ had a terribly difficult time getting out of bed. One of the only things that made him do it was his promise to Wheezie of bringing Cassiopeia to see her. He knew Maelynn would be unhappy with him if he broke a promise to anyone, but her grieving little sister especially. So he got up.

He had used some of the money to buy himself a nice jacket. His plan was just to wear his dress shirt and pants from his wedding, so the jacket was the only thing he needed. The bowtie made him think of Maelynn doing it for him. There was also the small detail of his inability to do it himself. So he went without.

Cassie was somehow very pleasant. She waited patiently as JJ buttoned up his shirt with shaking hands, then as he tried to find himself something to eat, and finally received her food. It was gone in minutes. JJ smiled down at her and scooped her up, walking over to the bathroom at staring in the mirror at the two of them.

'We're gonna be fine,' he said firmly. As if to agree, Cassie licked the side of his face. 'We're gonna be fine, Cassie.'

They went out to the car shortly after. JJ had tucked a sheet of paper with a speech he wrote into the glove box on the passenger side; it sat with Maelynn's letter. Cassie climbed all around as JJ drove to the cemetery, where only the Cameron family would be at that time of day. Wheezie had asked him to come. It's not like he could say no to her, especially when he had told her just the day before to tell him if she needed anything.

Rafe glared at him as soon as he was out of the car. 'What are you doing here?'

'I asked him to come,' Wheezie replied. Her voice was thick with tears. 'He and M got married, Rafe. He's technically family.'

'They got married?'

'Rafe, hush,' Ward waved his son off. 'It's been done. Just leave him alone.'

'Thanks,' JJ said. Ward nodded. 'I brought Cassiopeia.'

Wheezie came forward with a little smile. 'Can I hold her?'

'Of course you can,' JJ reached into his jacket and procured his kitten. 'Here. Just don't squeeze her or she'll try to run.'

She nodded and held the cat carefully, staring down at her. 'She's so cute.'

'Mae seemed to have pretty good luck with animals, I suppose.'

Everyone but Rafe followed after Wheezie, coming over to meet the kitten Maelynn had rescued. They all adored her. Who wouldn't? JJ was sure Maelynn was smiling down on them from heaven.

The actual funeral was difficult. He stood between his friends and the Camerons, waiting for his cue to give his speech. Wheezie was the only other person to speak about Maelynn. Her father and stepmother were both far too choked up.

'JJ,' she said as she finished. 'Was Maelynn's boyfriend, and only sort-of-legal husband for a day. He knew her really well. He's a pretty special guy himself, and he's also written something about her.'

She walked away from the podium and over to JJ, giving him a tight hug. He hugged her back and kissed the top of her head. 'You did awesome, kiddo.'

'Thanks.'

'Will you hold Cassie for me?'

She nodded and pulled away, but kept her arms out for the kitten. Cassie didn't need any help, immediately leaping into her aunt's arms and snuggling in. 'Aw.'

JJ smiled and patted her shoulder before going to the podium. He stood there for a few seconds and looked around. He could see Topper looking like he'd been crying for days straight almost directly in front of him. That made his heart hurt a little more. He cleared his throat.

'Hi. I've never done one of these before, so...bear with me. Maelynn was by far the most amazing person I ever have and ever will meet. She had a soul that shone through in everything she did, no matter how hard she tried to hide it. She cared deeply for others and always thought things through at least four times before going through with them. But if any of you have met her, you already know that. So let me tell you some things you may not have known,' he took a deep breath. 'Maelynn struggled with her self-worth. She was convinced for most of her childhood that no one thought her worthy of anything, least of all love. This beautiful, empathetic, self-sacrificing girl thought that no one would ever love her. I guess I must have been a bit of a wild card.

See, the thing about falling in love with someone like her, is that you feel right away that you're always going to love them. You know almost immediately that they have to be in your life forever, or your life will feel incomplete. That's what it's like now.

I know I'm never getting Maelynn back. She's gone, and that's all final. There's always going to be a hole where she filled me up. But I also know that she loved me too much to want me to stay in my state of grieving I'm in now. She'd hate how much I've sat and stared at her empty shoes, the shirts she's borrowed from me, her phone, and even the cat we rescued, wishing she was still here. It'd make her sad to see how much her little sister has cried over her death. Everything about this would be torture for her.

But at least she's with her twin now. She's going to get to tell her and her mother all about her marriage, and the full life she's lived. It was cut far shorter than it should've been. But she's in peace now. That's how I know I'll be okay; she's in peace. I'll see her again. I love her, and I always will. Always, forever.'

He stepped away from the podium and went back over to where he had stood before. Wheezie kept holding Cassie, but she leaned against his arm. He wrapped it around her shoulders.

'She'd be smiling right now,' Wheezie whispered to him as the reverend came back up to finish the procession.

'Thank you.'

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He went back to the Cameron house for dinner after the funeral. He told them a few stories about the adventures Maelynn had gone on with the pogues, and in turn, he received some stories of her as a child. They were ridiculous, silly tales of mud puddles and washing machines and markers as makeup. But they made everyone laugh. That's what counted.

It was dark by the time he excused himself to go home. Wheezie walked him to the door and hugged him one more time as a goodbye.

'She would've loved your speech,' she said as she pulled away. He ruffled her hair.

'Yours, too. It was really well written.'

'Thanks.'

He nodded and kissed the top of her head. 'I'll probably be doing nothing for a little while, so if you need anything, call me.'

'Got it. Goodnight, JJ.'

'Goodnight, Wheezie.'

And with that, he went back home. He collapsed on the bed in tears once again and spoke to the ceiling.

'I miss you, princess. I hope you liked my speech. I wish you were here. I love you. Always, forever.'

As he faded off to sleep, he could've sworn he heard a faint whisper of, 'Always, forever.'

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1270 words.
written august 24/21.