The Alpha's True Love

Suspicions

I awoke on Saturday morning feeling at peace. When I first cracked my eyes open, I squinted at the clock, realizing it was still pretty early for the weekend. Rolling over, I looked at the rumpled pillow and sheets on the other side of the bed. A lazy smile stretched across my face as I remembered last night. Julian's scent still lingered on the sheets. I inhaled deeply. My body was deliciously sore, the muscles in my legs especially tender. 

Flopping back onto the pillow, I stared up at the ceiling as the reality of last night began to sink in. Julian and I slept together. I gulped. The memory of it was surreal, it was intense and passionate. The things he said to me. It was as if he really did love me. 

My heart twisted lightly. I realized I wanted to believe that he did love me, instead of having to face the alternative which was that he simply used me for a good time. Tears pricked my eyes. Why was I getting upset at that thought? 

I knew why. Deep down, I was never, and never will be, the kind of girl that hooks up and freely gives herself away without inhibition. It takes a lot of trust for me when it comes to other people. And a wedding band. Unfortunately, I broke that rule of mine last night. To me, sex was a symbol of love, not something that was a means to an end, but rather a means toward getting to know one another better, reconnecting, to physically show the other person your devotion to them.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. I'd made a mistake. Dread started to fill my chest and caused butterflies to stir in my stomach. What had I done? I couldn't face him again. Would he expect us to go back to normal- to being acquaintances holding casual conversation and nothing more? I swallowed hard. I wouldn't be able to look at him the same way as before. Just thinking of him being in the same bed as me makes my heart race. And now I'd possibly be expected to act like it never happened? And furthermore, how was I going to come to terms with what I'd done? Guilt began to creep into the pit of my stomach.

I took a deep breath. 

"Relax girl," I said out loud. "We'll deal with each bridge when we get there. And as for the sex thing...you'll have to live with it. And don't do it again until you're married." I let out a frustrated groan. That was easier said than done. After last night, I craved more of it. With him. 

"How could I be so stupid? I let myself get into this situation. I'm better than this."

Throwing off the sheets, I stumbled out of bed, hyperaware of my nakedness. Perhaps it was for the best that Julian wasn't here right now to see my body in the daylight. It wasn't ugly per se, but it wasn't that pretty or graceful either. It was 'meh'.

I felt a pang in my heart. I managed to find the silver lining to Julian not being beside me when I woke up, but the idea of him leaving me in the night hurt. Maybe that was my answer. It was a one-time thing. We both got what we wanted. And when it was over, he left. I held back another wave of emotion.

Emotions. That's what I had felt last night after we'd done it. When he...bit me. The memory of it was coming back to me now. I didn't think hickeys were supposed to feel...that way. It had hurt, excruciatingly so at first. But even before he started to lick the bite mark I felt a rush of warmth, giving me a mini orgasm. And then I'd felt emotions. So intense and poignant. But I was almost certain they were not mine. It was like those feelings were pouring into me, but being experienced and lived by someone else. Was that normal during sex? Maybe that was part of an orgasm.

Making my way to the bathroom, I bent over the sink to splash warm water on my face. When I looked at myself in the mirror I gasped as my eyes landed on Julian's hickey. It was positioned where shoulder met neck. The purplish-red mark was perfectly circular and incredibly noticeable. I sighed. I would need to do some serious covering up for work. I did not want to suffer the knowing stares of my coworkers or have to explain what happened to my patients. Good thing it was Saturday. It would give it time to heal and tone down the brightness of the wound. As I did the rest of my bathroom routine, my thoughts began to turn more rational.