Always and Forever

F i v e

Y/n POV:

What did I do to piss her off? I don't want her to be mad at me, we just made up again and I don't want to let that go to waste but apparently I managed to ruin it like everything else.

All those thoughts followed me into my dreams and after hours of tossing and turning I awoke with a scream from my nightmare. I was panting and sweating, grabbing my sheets as if my life depends on it. It took me a couple minutes to collect myself before I got up and walked downstairs into the kitchen.

To my relief I found it empty, so I went over to the kitchen counter and grabbed a glass. Then I turned to the sink and filled it with ice cold water. I took a few sips and splashed some water into my face as well. Afterwards I leaned against the counter drinking my water. A look at the clock told me, that it was 4 in the morning.

I considered going back to bed but it would be no use since I had to get up at six anyways, so I decided to go outside and watch the sunrise. I quickly ran upstairs and changed and grabbed a blanket. I sat outside on a meadow just in time to see the sun slowly making its way up the sky, dipping everything into a deep orange shimmer.

Enjoying this moment of peace, the only sound to hear was the sound of the birds cheerfully singing and the city slowly coming back to life. After the sun stood on the sky completely I made my way back inside into the training room. It was 5.30 so I still had some time until the others would be up, therefore I used the time to train a little by myself. I let out all my rage on the punching back and without me noticing the room slowly filled with people. Everyone coming in at their own pace. Some earlier some later and of course Natasha was one of the first to come in. 

She didn't give me one look but just quietly started training by herself. Tomorrow was my first mission with the Avengers and I wasn't exactly nervous. I know what I'm doing but still something inside me was a bit tense.

Natasha POV:

I came into the training room early as always so I would have some time to train by myself first. Usually the gym was empty at a time like this, so I was surprised to find Y/n training, especially because I know she hates getting up early. I don't think she noticed me yet. She was punching the punching bag with such rage and power, it'll fall of every second now. Clearly she was upset about something but I didn't pay more attention to her and made my way over to the other training devices on the opposite side of the room. 

I thought about our mission tomorrow and how I'm not really sure if Y/n is ready for it already. Not because she's not skilled, I mean I hate to admit it and I'd never say it outloud but she's even better than me, but because she never properly worked in a team before. All she has done so far were missions, where most of the time she got the lead and it was never more than two people, so you could say she only works alone. I'm afraid she might screw it up. 

By now everyone was here training and the quiet room turned into a wave of chatting noises. We're here to train not for chit chat. Most of them were standing somewhere around Y/n laughing and doing anything but training.

I looked over to them for a second and in that exact moment mine and Y/n eyes locked. Our look exchanged more than words ever could and I know she's a hard person to understand but I learned to read her like a book. But in that very moment I saw something in her eyes I did not expect. I expected her to be happy like always, considering she's surrounded by all the others, joking around maybe slightly angry but what I saw was even worse. It was something I hadn't seen in her eyes for a very long time. Her look showed of complete emptiness. Nothing but the slight sight of hurt. 

I quickly looked away and for some reason I suddenly felt guilty like it's all my fault and in that moment I just wanted to go over to her, hold her tight and tell her that it's going to be okay. I wanted to be the friend to her, she didn't have all those years because of me.