Always and Forever

S e v e n

Natasha POV:

I awoke to the sound of my own scream, due to a nightmare based on previous events which was odd. Usually missions don't affect me this much but the more I thought about it the more I realized: it wasn't the last mission that made out the upsetting part of my dream, more was it a person. Y/n.

It infuriated me that I let myself get so attached to her. She made me vulnerable or more specifically the feelings I have for her.

I quickly gathered my thoughts and looked at the small clock on my nightstand that showed 5.45am.

It was no use trying to go back to sleep, even tho I have no obligations for today. Therefore I got up, stripped of my now sweaty clothes and stepped into the shower.

As I let the warm water calm me, I repeatedly caught my thoughts drifting of to Y/n again and what I feel for her. I was still mad for her thoughtless actions yesterday which could have easily ended differently. She brought herself and the team in danger and I don't know what part frightened me more.

I shouldn't be thinking like this. We haven't seen each other for ten years and we grew apart but some part in me feels closer to her than ever. The part that desperately craved her presence and is only satisfied when it knows her safe.

I thought back to what happened. I know she can handle danger like this easily but sometimes she tends to evaluate a situation like this the wrong way. It's always been her problem so when she recklessly attacked the guy my protective side instantly wanted to stop her.

I can't stand the thought of her possibly getting hurt. We worked on many missions together and it never affected me in such a restricted way.

Maybe I was a little hard on her. I was mad at myself for catching feelings so I distanced myself from her to prevent any form of growth of these feelings but being away from her only seemed to increase the pain.

It's like the moment our eyes met again, a box I have been pushing down all my life, opened in my heart. Back then I couldn't identify the feeling but now that we both grew up, leaving the time in the Red room behind, I knew what it was. And as much as it terrified me to admit, I knew that I was falling in love with my best friend.

This realization hit me like a truck and it took my mind some time to adjust to this new information.

'Love is for children'. That's what they bruised into our brains but do I really believe that? I know better than that by now but still the thought of actually committing myself to someone petrified the hell out of me but it also brought a feeling of peace and fullfilness.

Love is like an extremely sharp knife. It can be so beautiful to look at and useful but it can also stab you in the chest, ripping your heart out. That's why I never risked falling in love so far, next to the obvious that I was simply to busy for a relationship.

My mind wandered back to Y/n and how adorable she looks when she gets excited about something or how her cheeks always light up when she smiles with her heartwarming smile, how the top of her nose turns red when she cries or how easy she gets upset over small things.

I tried so hard to push all those feelings away but it feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest if I'm not near her so I decided to go for it. I'm pretty sure she feels the same way. She has to because if she doesn't I have no idea how I'm supposed to survive without her.

All I wanted was to kiss her soft, pink lips and hold her close in my embrace never letting go.

I snapped out of my thoughts again and grabbed my towel, whilst stepping out of the shower.