Do I love you? || Woozi

Verse: 6

"We aren't over yet,
I was desperately holding onto whatever was left.
You, who let go of me, even as I refused."

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You sit quietly at the candle lit table, your outfit clad pretty around you while you eat across from Seokmin.

Coming home today, you wanted to talk to him immediately. But who knew he would come prepared with a romantic dinner for two?

It only makes you feel guiltier. Ever since you shifted realities, and Seokmin had become your fiance, he has treated you nothing less of a princess. Late night cuddles when you'd wake up crying, sweet lullabies to make you fall asleep, cooking dinner when you were too tired, and even making sure to check up on you during your off days when he has work.

And even though your feelings are now different, you fully understand why and how the other you fell in love with him.

You felt bad, but you couldn't help it.

"You alright?" You hear his warm voice as you take another bite of your food. "You haven't been acting like yourself, have I done something to upset you?"

There's a cold pinch at your chest, a shriveled feeling inside you like a crumpled ball of paper. "No, you've done nothing wrong, Seokmin. Please don't think that. Please."

You watch as he turns silent, and you feel the tears beginning to well up.

"Then... why are you crying?" Seokmin continues slowly, staring at you with worry in his eyes. "I feel like whenever I see you, you look at me like you're about to break."

Seokmin has done nothing wrong.

It's your fault for possibly ruining his happiness.

Seokmin's arms are suddenly around you, huddling you close, and you soon can't see anything but his shoulders, your untouched dinner just sitting there. "I-I'm-- I'm sorry-- I--"

"No, don't apologize." A rustle, and you feel fingers running through your hair, his hand patting your back warm in soothing circles. "You've been keeping it in all this time right? It'll be fine, it's okay. It's okay, I'm here. I'm here."

Leaning on Seokmin chest now, you felt embarrassed, with the fabric of his clothes rubbing against your face. Stuffed up, your airway clogs, and you just keep shaking your head like it somehow would solve things; would somehow give back what you stole away from him, but all you can hear is your feeble sniffling as he holds you, and it's all so stupid, it's all so, so stupid. "You deserve the truth, but I'm scared it'll hurt you-- I'm scared you won't believe me..."

Seconds past by, faint and low, as soft as Seokmin's gentle circles continuing on your back; and with his gestures you suddenly felt safe again. "If you're not ready to tell me, it's okay. You'll be okay. I love you, and I just want you to be happy."

Sometimes in moments like these, you wish he'd judge you more. You wish he could be harsher with you, and not painfully understanding like the Seokmin you know. Because if so, perhaps the words 'I love you' wouldn't seize at your heart as much.

"What if I told you, I'm not actually... your fiance?"

Seokmin's gaze doesn't flicker, and that's when you realise deep down he already knew, that you weren't the one that loved him back. He whispers, even gentler, "It's okay. I know you wouldn't lie to me. I saw it the day you left that night. I'm not mad. I just wish you told me earlier."

He sighs a little, and you find yourself unable to move away from him, his hands too comforting, reassuring. The tears weighing on your lashes slow down, yet you still hide your face, not wanting to look at Seokmin - as it was easier to say everything while you weren't making eye contact. "You... want some time to yourself tonight, right?"

Even at this time, you were shocked at how well he knew what you needed, sometimes even more than you knew yourself.

Taking in deep breaths to slow your crying, you slowly extricate yourself from Seokmin's hug. Your body felt limp, and still slightly hollow as you take a seat— but it felt good to let everything out. Sighing again, you give your best efforts to at least smile. "I'm sorry, Seokmin."

He watches you carefully as you stand up, an arm still around your shoulder. "Go."

"W-what?"

"I'm not sure myself." He gives you a sad smile, and you feel something inside you crack into two. "I'm not saying I want you to leave me. I just... feel like you should be somewhere else right now."

You find words leaving you, unable to answer for a few minutes. Taking a look around the private reservation room, where Seokmin had decorated everything. The polaroid photo perched next to where he sat on the table, your smile frozen in the frame. You stare at the flowers he gave you, along with pictures of you and him, pictures of you two happy together.

The quiet stretches on for a bit, settles around you, patient and understanding. It's bittersweet, you think, and your heart hurts a lot, but you know if you don't do this now, if Seokmin doesn't know this, he'll never move on with what he's already aware of. You might be speaking an inside fear, and the fear is truth.

The truth hurts.

But soon after you spill things out, tell him everything, does he understand. You lifted your gaze to meet him, hoping he would be frank with you, and honest with you no matter what.

Yet, you never wanted or expected to see Seokmin cry.

The inky velvet sky was above you as you made your way towards Woozi's place, the city lights flickering on in the dark, everything sinking into the ground to spread roots. You didn't have an umbrella for the rain, yet you felt like you didn't have enough time to care.

And when you finally reached Woozi, he was shocked to find you at his shop's doorstep again as you approached him, your outfit now soaking wet.

Funny, how you were so much like parallel lines; with you amidst the downpour as you stared at the only person who you'd ever want as your reality. 

You could still remember it — the way he mouthed in utter disbelief, the flowerpot in his hands loosening as shock nestles in.

But when he saw the sadness in your eyes, the way you just smiled longingly, did something in his soul crack in two. It was deeper than anything he felt before, something that breached over; and while he didn't know what, the last thing he would've guessed was another timeline.

Yet it doesn't stop his worried eyes, and you feel a focus from Woozi you haven't seen in a long time.

So, like that, with the raining still falling and water cascading down to your feet, did your shivering body meet his as he holds you tight without any questions.

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