Do I love you? || Woozi

Verse: 10

"Although I don't want to see you, I want to see you,
Although I hate you, I miss you,
I found that even I couldn't understand myself."

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No one knows about it now-– not even you yourself.

About Woozi, that is.

Even after the reality shift, your mind had still been this jumbled mess, a lot of sadness floating around in you and you didn't even know why. There's that brief relief you felt when Seokmin had returned as your best friend and calmed you down, saying it was just lack of sleep. But the bitter and the heavy ache found their way into your bones, regardless, and it's strange, because it's not exactly sorrow. Some is just incertitude, and you had been working hard on that, realizing something is missing despite not knowing what. But thanks to your efforts, and how hard you're trying-- It's sobering.

Another part of it is just disentangling this entire feeling itself.

Because before you fell asleep that night, you knew you truly did love Woozi, in the romantic sense. It's no choir and chorus, but you knew he'd do anything he asked you to, would do more than that, even. And you knew you'd give yourself over to see Woozi happy.

But you also had thought a lot about the relationship, how throughout the years it had grown, how far apart you two truly had drifted. You think maybe a part of your love had just been a natural attachment. Woozi was your first comfort outside of family, and perhaps that was why you were so persistent on time. Because if you didn't, one day you'd lose Woozi, lose your safe space.

You get how selfish this all sounds, too, wanting Woozi to notice you and expect him to love you back the way you wanted him to.

But in pure truth, Woozi did love you. He cared, so much, that he pushed too hard to show it in a way you couldn't accept. You now understand that Woozi had hurt, too. Woozi had hurt, thinking of you. And you wouldn't want Woozi to hurt. You were still inexperienced, and along the way you had realised that if you didn't know what you really wanted, you can't expect Woozi to understand.

You don't want Woozi to be anything other than happy, even if it's now not with you.

So maybe, the entire point was for you to let go, and let fate decide whether to drift you back together.

Because you trust yourself, and the world. That one day you'll find him again, and he'll take you to the same old haven of his studio, saying he missed you, saying you'll work things out together. And you too, will return the same feelings when the time comes.

However, although you had it sort of figured out in your head, you still had a ways to go to learn.

Nothing in life follows a straight path, nothing will be the exact same of how you hoped for it to be, and you see that not all loves are made for movie screens.

And perhaps forgetting this love isn't just an acceptance — but also punishment.

You see Woozi's love for you, the love from him in both timelines, and understands now that you lost your chance to talk it out before you even received it. You see Woozi's love for his passions, and understand now it's the kind of love you wouldn't fit into, not yet.

And the universe understood your desires.

So as you now walk along the streets, the person you happened to bump into was now a mere stranger.

"Oof--!"

Papers go flying, knocked askew as you two make eye contact.

"A-ah, I'm so sorry!" You bend down, frantically trying to help him pick up his stuff. Different notes get piled up into your hands, and you only stop when you see the boy staring at you.

"It's okay. As long as I don't lose that one sheet, everything's good."

Your eyes fall onto another piece of paper, except this one looks handwritten. "Is it this?" Picking it up, you hand it over to him while skimming over the content.

"Yeah, thanks." He says while you hand over the rest of his stuff.

"I just found it on my desk when I woke up one morning. I don't have any memory of when or why I wrote it though."

The lie rolled off his tongue before he could even think about it. He wasn't sure why, but somehow admitting that he wrote this song for someone he doesn't even remember-- that was too much to share.

"Oh, but the lyrics are beautiful." You smile at him after a quick pause, ignoring the weird churn in your stomach.

"Yeah," He nods at your compliment, but something in his smile was bitter. "It's my first romantic song."

Because little did you know-- at that moment when the male saw you standing before him, you had reminded him of something he had lost years ago.

Something you once had, too, when you said yes and kissed him that lazy spring day with your eyes closed, and heart as wide open as the sprawling blue sky above you.

A memory both of you no longer shared between each other.

But maybe, that was for the better.

As when you two finished your exchange, you both wordlessly stepped in opposite directions together, losing yourselves in the crowd crossing to the other end of the street.

And you continued to wonder, who he wrote that song for.

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